“What was he like?”
“Um, honestly, he was pretty scary,” Adrian chuckled humorlessly. “Like, he could flip on a dime. He’d be laughing and cracking sick jokes and then the next minute he was serious and beating the shit out of someone. I didn’t tend to spend much time around him whenever I did cross his path.”
“Did he seem like he liked it?”
My stomach twisted with nerves. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer, yet I couldn’t have stopped myself from asking. Adrian was silent for a long time, and dread settled into my belly.God, was he a psychopath and I just never saw the signs?
“I don’t know. He never seemed to dislike it. The times where I did witness him…working, he didn’t seem too fucked in the head over it. He kind of seemed to get off on it afterwards. Like he’d be fucking buzzing when he walked away. Kind of giddy. He could’ve been on something, though. I don’t know if he was just really good at masking or became numb to it that he didn’t really care, or…”
He trailed off and the music filled the tense silence.
“Do you think that he was a good person?”
Adrian hummed in thought. “I mean, I think that’s pretty relative. Do I think he was a good arreglador? Yes. Do I think that he was a good brother? I think only you can answer that,Shiloh. I think it’s hard to classify a person as solely good or bad. There’s a lot of gray areas. I think everyone can be both good and bad.”
We didn’t speak for the rest of the drive. When I entered my apartment, the heavy, lingering scent of Javier felt toxic. I hated that even though he was dead he was still testing me. It was a struggle to keep the tears at bay when every inch of the space reminded me of just how little I knew my brother.
As I curled up in bed that night dressed in some of Enoch’s clothes I had borrowed weeks ago, I was longing for my friend. A longing I didn’t like feeling but couldn’t shake no matter how much I persuaded myself that I didn’t need Enoch. I was getting attached, a foreign emotion that made me feel vulnerable. Attachment would only lead to heartbreak if I actually had to marry this stranger.
He’s leaving for the military anyway, Shiloh. You might as well be the first to go so you don’t have to say goodbye.
Twenty-Two
October 29, Friday
Shiloh
In honor of passing his math midterm with a well-deserved B and despite the fact that I would not be able to tutor him anymore, Enoch insisted that he repay me for saving his idiot ass and not flunking. Which was how I found myself riding home with him.
There was this bubble of unspoken words between us, and I couldn’t help but regret telling him about Javier’s death. The two days I spent with him over the long weekend felt like a dream now, a dream I had poisoned by being honest. I looked over at him as he cursed under his breath.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we pulled into his driveway.
He let out a deep sigh, turning in his seat to look directly at me. His eyes searched mine for a silent moment before he spoke.
“I promise I didn’t know that they were going to be here,” he said, licking his lips in what appeared to be trepidation. “If you want to go, I can take you home right now.”
I furrowed my brows, only to realize he must be talking about Sebastian.
“No,” I cleared my throat and let out a sigh. “I can’t avoid him forever, right?”
Although, I could have if I was really determined. But that would mean I’d also have to give up my time with Nox.
Nox placed his hand on my arm, “You sure?”
“Yeah, I believe I was promised a delicious meal,” I eyed him with a half-smile.
He chuckled, giving my arm a light squeeze before turning the car off. I held onto the frayed straps of my backpack as we entered the house, the smell of roasting herbs making my mouth water.This will be worth it.
I almost believed myself until I walked into the living room and saw him. I halted in the doorway, watching as he read a book to Ruthie, his back to us with Ruthie in his lap. I was startled by Enoch’s hand on my lower back and looked over at him. He gave me a reassuring smile and I nodded, stepping into the room.
“¿Qué tranza, wey?”
Sebastian quickly turned his head, a smile etched across his face. My stomach sank. Those same brown eyes had been haunting my nightmares nightly. I shoved the thoughts back to the darkest corner of my mind and forced myself to walk to him.
“¡Güerita! Ven par’ aquí!” He stood, leaving Ruthie on the floor watching her dad intently.
I couldn’t help the smile I held as I fell into his open arms. He held me tightly to his chest, his chin on top of my head. We stood like that for a long moment, until Ruthie grabbed onto my leg and pulled herself upright, gesturing to be picked up.
