‘I could well be doing with it.Would you look at the state of my roots.’Bernadette lowered her head to make the point.Her greys were coming through like weeds.‘I truly wish you’d pitched up here an hour ago, before I agreed to go into work.’She gave Val another squeeze.‘Thanks for thinking of me, but I need to dash.You’re still coming to the vow renewal tomorrow morning, aren’t you?’
‘Of course.Wouldn’t miss it.Are you sure you can’t get out of working and come have a bit of fun with me today?Your roots will thank you.’As she said that, Val looked a bit crushed, and Bernadette felt terrible.Val was one of those women who put a cheery face on every day of her life, and if there was a problem, she’d suck it up and focus on everyone else.True salt of the earth.But seeing her looking so disappointed, Bernadette wondered if anything was wrong.There was no time to pry, but she made a mental note to speak to her tomorrow and find out if anything was going on.
Bernadette gave her another hug.‘I wish I could, but I can’t let them down now.I’ll see you tomorrow, lovely.Have a smashing pamper and tell Jessie I send my love.’
‘Will do.You be careful driving out there today.Those roads are brutal with ice and you drive like a Formula One racer with his helmet on backwards.’
And there it was – normal service resumed.Val doling out care, cheek and humour in the same statement.Bernadette was still chuckling when she started the car and followed Val’s Jeep down the drive.
It took twenty minutes to get to Glasgow Central Hospital from home, and Bernadette had made the journey so many times, her Fiat 125 could do it all by itself.However, as an ED nurse, she saw way too many accidents arising from drivers not paying attention, so she kept her eyes fixed on the road, as she said, ‘Hey Siri, call Stuart.’
‘Calling Stuart mobile,’ Siri responded, before spitting out a load of beeps as it dialled.Bernadette tried to work out where her son would be at this time on a Saturday morning.Probably at the gym or out for brunch somewhere cool and trendy.He and Connor lived in the West End of the city, and they both liked to make the most of their weekends – which was clearly the case this morning, because the call went straight to voicemail.
A second call to Jack did exactly the same.Thank God Val had pitched up this morning because everyone else in her world – with the exception of Caleb at work – was making her feel decidedly unwanted.It brought her back to what she’d been thinking about earlier.She had to make changes in her life.She just hoped that Jack felt the same and wanted more than they already had too.Although, given that he always seemed to be too busy for her lately, she was beginning to wonder.
Maybe if she moved back to Ireland that would change.But it was a risky strategy.Could she really give up everything she had here – a rewarding job, her lovely house, the close proximity to her family – for a man?
Hadn’t that already backfired once before?
She’d met Kenneth when she’d come over to Scotland as a junior nurse, looking for a bit of adventure, but only intending to stay for a year or two.It was a solid plan, until the moment the incredibly handsome doctor walked onto her ward, and she was smitten at first sight.Even then, she hadn’t thought for a second that someone like him would be interested in her, but he’d swept her off her feet and… what was that expression Nina used the other day?It came to her.He’d love-bombed her to smithereens.Adored her.Made her feel like the only woman in the world.Like she could do no wrong.Like he couldn’t live without her.Like they were going to have the most wonderful life ever.And that’s exactly what had happened.Until it stopped.
It was only a few months after the wedding, when she was in too deep to turn back, that he’d lost his shit for the first time.Then the verbal abuse had started.And the demeaning comments.By the time she was pregnant with Nina, she was walking on eggshells around the controlling, intolerant, manipulative, uncaring man that she’d learned he was.And yet she’d stayed for many more years of that.She’d long ago decided that regretting that time was pointless, but it had definitely made her wary of committing again.
She returned to her earlier thought.Surely it was time to stop being afraid and trust Jack.And, more importantly, trust herself.Wasn’t it?
As she pulled into the car park at the hospital, her phone beeped, and she waited until she’d parked before she checked it, hoping it was Jack finally replying to her.
Nope.A friend.Diana.Someone that she saw once a year, on the same date.
Today’s date.
Hey, just wanted to say I’m looking forward to tonight.
Bernadette fired off a quick reply.
Me too.Usual time and place.See you then.Xx
She waited for her reply to go off into the ether, then checked for any other messages, expecting similar texts from a couple more of the attendees tonight.When there was nothing else in the inbox, she stared at the screen for a few moments, wondering if she could manifest a reply from Jack just by sheer mind power alone.
Apparently not.
As she got out of the car, Bernadette could feel her face settle into a frown and hated the emotions the uncertainty with Jack was bringing up.The insecurity.The tension.She immediately began giving herself a stern lecture.Bernadette O’Brien.You are a fifty-nine-year-old woman and this is pathetic.Control your own life.You’re in charge.Stop waiting for him to call you, reclaim your power and know your worth.Oh, and stop reading those Instagram buzz posts because you’re beginning to speak like a self-help manual.
Ten minutes later, after a quick change into her scrubs, she walked into the Emergency Department, and could immediately see why she’d been called in.The waiting room was already packed, every member of staff was busy, and going by the tense expression on Caleb’s incredibly handsome face, he hadn’t had his coffee this morning.
Not that you could say it out loud these days, but he was definitely the department’s poster boy.Over six feet tall, biceps like melons and a male model jawline.He also gave rugged cowboy-esque vibes, which was hilarious because he didn’t do outdoors.He did, however, do wide, way-too-handsome grins in her direction.
‘I want it stated for the record that I disapprove of you being here because you should have said no and enjoyed your day off.But now that you’re here… thank you, you fricking hero, for coming in.I will never love anyone more than I love you right now… Unless someone takes the drunk woman in bay number four, in which case I’ll forget who you are and love them more.’
Bernadette gave him a nudge with her shoulder, which only reached his elbow, because Caleb was almost ten inches taller than her.‘Good to know that loyalty still exists.’
He laughed, before gesturing towards the whiteboard on the wall and switching into professional mode.‘Okay, so every bay is occupied, we’re already on a three-hour wait for non-emergencies, and Stevie is in X-ray today and it’s already backed up.’Stevie was female, and Caleb’s best mate.She was also one of Bernadette’s favourite people and dating a real-life Hollywood star, an actor called Ollie Chiles, who was in a huge TV hit, The Clansman, a show about Scottish warriors from bygone times.Bernadette went over to Val’s every Thursday night so they could watch it together and it was the highlight of their week.
‘I’ll buy you a huge cake on our break.It’s the least I can do,’ Caleb promised, as he pulled a bloodwork test kit from the drawer and then went off back to whichever patient he was dealing with.
She had another quick stare at the board that detailed every patient, their location and status, taking it all in.To anyone else, it would look like a jumble of letters and numbers, but Bernadette had been doing this for so long, she got a handle on it all immediately.Being strong, confident and focused in her professional life came naturally to her.Why couldn’t she take that confidence and skill and apply it to her personal life?
She already knew the answer to that.Somewhere along the line, it had seeped into her psyche that proper, functioning, loving, balanced relationships were incredibly rare.And worse, it was so easy to walk right into destructive partnerships that seemed great at the start, but then turned into something else altogether.Didn’t the people she was meeting tonight prove that?
