And that was nothing compared to the pain her friend must be feeling right now.
Exhaustion and sorrow were etched on Estelle’s face and weariness was pressing down on her shoulders, as she stared at the table, so deep in thought that she didn’t even realise that Amber had returned until she touched her friend’s hand.
‘How are you doing there, hon?Sorry.That might be the most stupid question I’ve ever asked.’
Estelle was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Bernadette, who had stayed behind up on the ward for a few minutes longer to speak to Keli.
She sat down now and Amber pushed the third cup towards her.
Bernadette smiled kindly and it struck Amber that other than a brief glimpse at a funeral, she’d never met this woman before this morning and yet now she’d be such a huge and comforting part of her story every time she thought back on today.
After Marge had died… Amber paused that thought, waiting for the pain from the punch to her gut to pass… Bernadette had taken care of them, sat with them, gently guided them through the next hour, and Amber would always be grateful for that care.She was grateful too that Estelle hadn’t been alone, as Amber knew she’d been for weeks now.It was almost as if Marge waited until Estelle would have people there to take care of her.It was just the kind of thing she’d do for the daughter she loved so much.
Amber watched now as Bernadette handed a white bag, about the size of a normal shopping bag, and a small box over to Estelle.
‘Here you go, love.Your mum’s jewellery is in the box, and her handbag and shawl are in the bag.Keli will keep the rest of her personal effects safe and you can collect them when you’re ready.Or I can bring them back to you.Whatever you want to do…’
‘Thanks, Bernadette.My mum would be so thankful that you were there.I am too.’
The three of them sat with their own thoughts for a moment, before Estelle reached for the small box and opened it.Amber saw that inside was a fine gold chain and a simple gold band.
A tear dropped from Estelle’s face on to the table as she slid the ring onto her own finger.‘You know, she never wore an engagement ring.I asked her once and she said that she had no need for it.That this was enough to remind her that she had everything.’
Amber and Bernadette stayed silent, letting Estelle work through her thoughts.
Estelle gently rubbed the thin piece of gold.‘I’ve heard people say this before and I didn’t believe it, but in a way, I’m glad she didn’t have to live like that any longer.She found it so difficult that she’d lost her independence and had to rely on others.She’d never complain, but I know she must have hated it.’
‘Sometimes people are ready,’ Bernadette said gently.
‘I think that’s it,’ Estelle agreed.‘She was ready.And I know I sound like those sympathy cards or Instagram reels, but I honestly think she’s in a better place.With my dad.The one I loved – not the other one.’
Her half-smile when she said that made Amber ache for her.‘He’s the only one that matters.’
Estelle nodded.‘He is.I’ve always wondered… Actually, not wondered – I’ve alwaysknownthat he left that letter for me deliberately.My dad wasn’t a man who was careless with anything.To keep a copy of that letter in his desk… I think it was because he knew that if anything ever happened to him, I would find it there.I always thought it was his way of sparing Mum from having to tell me because he probably knew that it would be too hard for her to have that conversation.And he was right.I think he was looking out for me, even then.And now.Looking out for both me and Mum.’
‘I think so,’ Amber agreed.‘And you’ve got us too, Estelle.Do you want to come back to my place tonight?Stay over and let me take care of you?’
‘Thank you…’ Then she shook her head.‘But I called Craig from the ward, after Mum…’ A pause.She didn’t have to say the word.‘…And he’s on his way back from Edinburgh.He’ll be home any time now so I’m going to go be with him.I’ve been at this hospital for so long that I just need to be in my own kitchen and in my own bed.’
‘Then why don’t I give you a lift home?’Bernadette offered.‘I don’t want you to be driving.Not right now.And what about you, Amber?Did you drive here?’
Amber thought back to Wiki Taxi Driver, who was probably still out there, educating the unsuspecting passengers of Glasgow.‘No, I got a taxi.I’ll call another one now.’
‘Let me take you too,’ Bernadette said kindly.Amber was about to object when she added, ‘I think we could all do with the company for a little bit longer.’
A few minutes later, when they all got into Bernadette’s car, Amber knew she’d been right.Going their separate ways would have felt too cold, too lonely.She’d seen so many scenes in television shows and movies that showed the end of someone’s life, but it always cut before the next bit.This bit.When it was done and all that was left was shock and disbelief, and all the logistics of what to do next.
The dark roads were quiet as they travelled, swapping stories about Marge, moving between tears and sadness and laughter too.
They reached Estelle’s house first, and as they pulled up to the old Georgian townhouse, a light went on in the hallway, then the door opened and Craig was there, standing in the doorway, waiting for her.
Amber got out, opened Estelle’s door, waited for her to say her goodbyes to Bernadette.When Estelle climbed out, Amber wrapped her arms around her, the air gone from her lungs as she whispered, ‘I’m so sorry.For everything.’
‘Please don’t be,’ Estelle said, holding her tight.‘I really think that somehow my mum brought you back to me.She was so happy that you were there.Will you come over tomorrow?Help me with what comes next?’
‘I wouldn’t be anywhere else,’ Amber promised, letting her go, then watching as she went up the path into Craig’s arms.Amber raised her hand, and he did the same, letting them know that it was okay for them to go.He had her.
He had her.
