‘Ladies, we’re about to close the bar now, and I just wanted to check if I can get anything else for you?’This was the fourth trip to the table that Isla, the very lovely waitress who was down here from Skye, studying at Glasgow University, and working in the hotel at weekends to pay her rent, had made to their table.Marge and Bernadette had chatted to her every time she’d come over and were close to knowing the name of her first pet and her star sign.That was how long they’d been here.
Marge had been surprised when the rest of Kenneth’s family had left, but totally understood that Nina had to get back to the wee ones.What shouldn’t have surprised her was that Bernadette had stepped in to help by staying behind and overseeing the rest of the wake.She was the kind of strong, decent woman that would do anything to help her family, even to the detriment of herself.Her marriage to Kenneth Manson had proven that.
‘Isla, I think I’ll have another one of these,’ Bernadette said, picking up the empty wine glass from the table in front of her.When Bernadette had sat down with her again a couple of hours before, she’d confessed that she’d switched to water because she’d been feeling a little tipsy.After her second glass, she’d cracked.
‘Sod it, Marge – I’m going back on the wine.I think this day calls for it.’
Inspired by their conversation and enjoying the chat, Marge had been about to order another cup of tea when she’d been momentarily possessed by the spirit of her Aunt Agnes at every family party since the beginning of time.
‘I think I’ll have to join you then.I’ll have a small sherry please, Isla.’
That had been four small sherries ago – which added up to a couple of blooming large sherries – and now Bernadette and Isla were waiting for her final order.
‘And another sherry for you, Marge?’Bernadette was asking now.
Marge knew she really should go back to coffee – the sherry was making her decidedly light-headed.
She picked up her empty glass, about to request that it be swapped for a latte, but apparently the spirit of her old Aunt Agnes was still in charge.‘I’ll have another small sherry please.’
As the waitress went off to fulfil their order, Bernadette giggled.‘Oh my goodness, I just had the most delicious thought.If Kenneth could see us now, he’d be utterly outraged.You, his perfect secretary, and me, his downtrodden wife, swapping stories and getting tipsy at his funeral.If there’s an afterlife, he’s up there raging in the corridors and kicking the door, I promise you.He’ll have had at least four written complaints into the afterlife management by now, demanding to be reincarnated and sent back here so he can reprimand us.’
Marge shook her head.‘I don’t think there will be official complaints, Bernadette…’ she said with a woeful sigh.‘Because I’m not up there to type them.’
The shriek of laughter Bernadette let out caused everyone in the room to turn around and stare, before she clamped her hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking.
‘Oh Marge,’ she said, when her fingers moved from her mouth to wipe her eyes, ‘that might be the funniest line I’ve ever heard.’
Bernadette’s words gave Marge such a warm glow.Or that might have been the sherry, but she was sure it was the words, too.There had only ever been one other person who had found Marge funny, and that had been her darling Ian.Unlike Kenneth, he’d have thought it lovely that she was having such a bonding moment with Bernadette.He’d be happy for her, and thoroughly amused that two women who were minimal drinkers at most, had chosen this occasion to overindulge and have a very revealing heart-to-heart.In fact, for the last two hours, they’d somehow ended up having a conversation so candid and eye-opening that Marge was sure she’d be replaying it in her mind for days.She’d shared things with Bernadette that she’d never spoken of before, and she hadn’t had a single doubt that her confidences would be kept.
As Isla came back with their refills and placed them on the table, Marge did a quick scan of the room.Almost everyone had gone now, except a few medical students that Kenneth had been mentoring.Marge was fairly sure they were sticking around for the free bar and canapés.The table of ladies, who’d caused a minor ruffle with the smashed glass earlier were still there too.Marge had rushed over and organised a swift clean-up, a new glass of wine for Lady Clara Kelaney, and it had all been resolved in minutes.After that, the afternoon had passed without further incident, although Marge did fear that Kenneth’s estate would be bankrupted by the bar bill at the end of the night.
She picked up her sherry, just as Bernadette put her wine glass back on the table and resumed their conversation.It was still absolutely astonishing to Marge that this was the first open, personal exchange they’d had in almost thirty years.They’d been in the same room many times, at formal functions or ceremonies, but Kenneth had always been there and the formality of their relationship had always been maintained.Today had been a revelation in more ways than she could count.
‘Did you ever get totally pissed off with it all, Marge, all the secrets and lies?’Bernadette asked, sitting back in her chair.‘We gave Kenneth so much power because everything was in the dark.His abuse.His affairs.Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we had just called out his shitty behaviour and made it clear he couldn’t get away with it?’
Marge shook her head and answered honestly.‘No.The truth is, I did get miffed and disappointed with his actions on many occasions, but I’ve never considered changing how I dealt with it.I think I just took it all at face value and accepted it for what it was.For who he was.I compartmentalised his personal antics, told myself they were none of my business, and focused on my work.And when the two worlds overlapped, I turned a blind eye to it.Or covered for him, when I had to.’
‘I don’t know how you did it, Marge.’There was no judgement in Bernadette’s voice, only curiosity.‘If my boss was constantly up to no good and I was forced to lie for him, I don’t think I’d have been able to work for him for as long as you did.’
Marge couldn’t find the words to make sense of it either.‘I’m ashamed to say I never contemplated leaving.I’m not proud of that.I should have taken a stand against the way he treated others.And now that we’re actually speaking properly, Bernadette, I want to apologise for that.’
Bernadette immediately objected.‘No, no, no – don’t do that, Marge.Do not apologise for things that he did or positions he put you in.I made a whole lifetime out of doing that and I won’t hear of it.That’s my point exactly.It’s a culture – of secrets and entitlement.And it’s not just him.I know of a dozen other men who were here today who have had affairs.And probably the same number of women.’
That almost made Marge splutter her sherry, although Bernadette wasn’t wrong.Marge had overheard enough chats between Kenneth and his friends, been privy to endless gossip in the hospital staffrooms, to know that infidelity was more commonplace than she would ever have imagined.
‘You know, Marge,’ Bernadette went on, ‘since I left Kenneth, I haven’t avoided getting into a relationship because I no longer trust men.I’ve avoided it because I don’t trust myself.Well, that and I can’t work those bloody dating apps for the life of me.Nina set me up on the Tinders nonsense and I’m fairly sure I’m now engaged to a bloke from Newcastle.’Bernadette’s chuckle reassured Marge that she was kidding.‘Anyway, I wonder how that would be different if I’d stood up to him, if I’d shared my truth.If I’d acted on it, challenged him every time I knew he was lying.Maybe I’d have more faith in myself now.’
‘I understand that.But I also think there’s strength in silence.Bernadette, I need to tell you something.’A voice in her mind heard the words coming out of her mouth, and began screaming,No.Don’t do it.But apparently, whether it was the sherry, or the occasion, or the dam bursting on thirty-odd years of guilt, she couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.‘I’ll understand if you’re disgusted, or if it makes you look at me in a horrified light, but I’m no better than the women that Kenneth betrayed you with.You see…’
For the next ten minutes, Bernadette listened in shocked silence as Marge bared her soul, sharing the story of Estelle’s conception and paternity for the first time since she’d broken the news of her pregnancy to her darling Ian all those years ago.
And just like Ian, Bernadette listened, stunned, until she finished.
‘I understand if you want to get up and walk away, Bernadette.You must be disgusted.’Marge’s heart was beating out of her chest, her head was ready to explode, but weirdly there was a tiny sapling of relief that she’d finally told the truth.
Before Bernadette could respond, they were interrupted again, not by the lovely waitress, but by the very formal restaurant manager, who was looking more than a little uncomfortable.
‘Miss Drummond, the bar is closed now, and we’ve arranged for the flowers and the table centrepieces to be donated to the local nursing homes as you requested.’
