‘That’s kind of you to say.Crazy thing is, I wasn’t even supposed to be on shift today.I’m glad I was, though.’
‘I am too.’Amber put her half-empty mug back down on the table.‘Well, I’d better be going – I’ve taken up enough of your time.Thank you, Bernadette.I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have talked to you.I don’t feel quite so high up the idiotic scale now.Maybe somewhere between “clueless” and “stupidly naïve”.’
‘Glad to hear it.Listen, I wondered…’ Bernadette was about to follow through on her thought of inviting Amber to meet up with Marge later when she noticed that Amber’s attention had gone elsewhere, her gaze lifting over Bernadette’s head towards the door, her eyes widening in what looked like shock.Maybe horror.Bernadette spun her head round, ready to tackle Lila Atkins to the ground if necessary.Or maybe it was Murray, back to berate Amber a bit more.She mentally strapped on her bulletproof bra for the second time today and got ready to intervene.But no.It wasn’t Lila.Or Murray.It was a tall, very pretty young woman, who was walking towards them, staring at Amber and mirroring her shocked expression.
Bernadette had no idea what the hell was going on.And Amber’s next words didn’t help.
‘Oh bugger, Bernadette.I think the universe just sent me another message.’
18
MARGE
‘How are you doing there, Marge?’
The voice woke her again, and as soon as she saw who it was, she smiled.
Keli was the other charge nurse on the ward.Nurse Yvie had already popped in before Marge fell asleep and said she’d soon be clocking off and would see her tomorrow morning.If Keli had come on shift now, that must mean it was around four o’clock.
‘I’m doing great, Keli,’ Marge replied, her words a shallow croak again.This blasted throat – every time she woke up it was just as dry as before.
‘Let me get you a drink, Marge.Do you need anything else?’
Her health.If she could have one thing right now, one wish, it would be to have her health back.Or maybe just to rewind the days and do them over again, this time not wasting a single moment, especially on things that didn’t matter.How much time had she spent worrying about things that didn’t happen?Or fretting over something that she couldn’t even remember a week or a month later?How much time had she spent at work, making sure someone else’s life was as smooth and organised as it could possibly be, at the expense of her own?Not that she’d grudged the time she spent on her career.It had been fulfilling.She’d taken pride in it and she hoped that she’d made a difference, in the background somewhere, whether it was rearranging Kenneth’s schedule to fit in an extra surgery that could save someone’s life, or going above and beyond to help a patient’s family deal with the trauma of a sick loved one.That had mattered to her and she’d been privileged to do it.She saw that same vocation in Yvie, Jeanie, Keli and the rest of the staff here too.
‘No, nothing else.Just juice, please.’
There was a familiar clicking sound as Keli went round to the other side of the bed, thanks to the tiny beads at the ends of the braids she wore pulled back into a ponytail.Marge had actually met Keli’s brother once or twice over the years too.Noah Clark was a consultant paediatrician down on the children’s ward, and he’d consulted with Kenneth on a couple of children’s cases on Kenneth’s very occasional NHS service too.When Marge had first started working for Kenneth, he’d focused almost exclusively on private patients, but over the years, he’d taken on a few specific NHS cases that interested him, either because they were particularly challenging or because the patient had a high profile or a well-connected relative who called in a favour.Selective lifesaving.How could that kind of power not affect a person?
There were two jugs on Marge’s bedside chest – one with water and one with orange squash.Keli poured some juice into plastic tumbler and handed it over to her, then waited, ready to help, as Marge managed to raise it her mouth to take a few sips.
‘Thank you.’Marge said, giving the tumbler back.
‘You’re very welcome.Do you need anything else?Are you in any pain?’
Marge shook her head and Keli gently patted her hand.‘Okay, that’s good.Let me just have a quick check of everything else then.’
It was a familiar routine – the blood oxygen monitor on the finger, and the temperature check first.Then the blood pressure cuff on her arm and the squeezing sensation, then the beep that seemed to take longer to reach as her arms got thinner.Or maybe it was just that time was passing slower.
After every task, Keli wrote on her chart, until everything was complete and she hung it back on the end of the bed.‘Right then, Marge, that’s you for another four hours of blissful peace until I come and do that all over again.’
‘Thank you.’Marge meant it.She was so grateful for their care.
She expected Keli to leave, but instead, the nurse sat down next to her bed.‘I just got word that a bed has opened up down in palliative care, Marge, so we can move you down there tomorrow.It’s a bright, sunny room, and Liv, the ward manager down there, is a wonderful nurse.She’ll take such good care of you, I promise.’
As she nodded, Marge tried to take calming breaths, desperate to stay strong and not put this lovely nurse in the stressful position of having to console a sick patient who was fighting against her fate.There was no point in weeping and even silent tears had caused her throat to ache more since the intubation.Besides, she’d known this was coming, so it wasn’t a surprise.They’d discussed it many times over the last couple of weeks and the plan had always been to move her there when a bed became available.
‘They’ll give you the very best quality of life and Estelle will get the proper support down there too, Marge.They might even be able to get you home, if that’s what you want.’
Marge managed a very gentle shake of her head.No.She didn’t want to go home.She’d lived alone since Ian died, and if she were to go back there now, it would put all of the pressure on Estelle.That wasn’t what she wanted.She had no desire to burden her daughter with that kind of responsibility.At least here, Estelle had a professional support system outside the door twenty-four hours a day.Palliative care was Marge’s choice, and maybe a hospice when the time came.
‘Okay, Marge, I understand,’ Keli said softly, and Marge felt the gentle rub of the nurse’s thumb against the back of her hand and gave a silent thanks once again for her kindness.‘Dinner will be here shortly and then I’ll check back in on you, but if you need me, you know to just buzz.’
‘Thank you.’An audible one this time, as Keli left to the sound of hair bead clicks and soft shoes on the floor.
Alone.It was so rare, that Marge felt such a peace from the silence, but it didn’t last for long.Maybe seconds later, maybe minutes, the calm was shattered with the sound of screams.Her screams.
‘Marge, I’m right here.Just tell me what to do.Tell me how I can help.’But, of course, he couldn’t.
