A sigh was out before Bernadette could stop it.Jack Donovan.Her boyfriend of several years, and yes, it still felt strange calling him that at their age.‘Manfriend’ didn’t sound right.‘Lover’ made her toes curl.And ‘partner’ wasn’t strictly accurate, given that they lived in different countries and didn’t actually share anything other than deep love and great fun when they did manage to snatch time in the same place.Bernadette adored him.
They’d met after Bernadette had shared an eventful flight to St Lucia with Jack’s sons on the way to a destination wedding.It was three years after her divorce and only a few months after the death of her awful ex-husband, and the scars of her marriage had left her with no intention of entering another relationship.She’d vowed to guard her freedom.To preserve her independence.But to her surprise, she’d clicked with Jack and since then, they’d been wholeheartedly committed to each other, but not how or where to live their lives.Jack was in Ireland.She was in Scotland.Neither was ready to move.And for now they both just accepted that if they were meant to be together, that was something they’d resolve in the future.Only, for Bernadette, that ‘future’ was getting closer every day.
‘He had to work today.I did explain that he’s supposed to be off on a Saturday, but he gave me the, “Haulage is a seven days a week business” argument, so I gave up.He’s getting in on the 6a.m.flight tomorrow morning, so he’ll be in plenty of time for the ceremony.It’s not ideal, but it was the best he could do.’Jack’s haulage company was his life’s work – the business that he’d set up as a young man and devoted his entire working life to growing.Neither of his sons were interested in taking over, so he’d been upfront that he’d work there “until the day I can no longer get out of bed and lace up my boots”.
‘I’m sure it’ll be fine, Mum.Anyway, I’d better go…’
‘Nina, are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help today?I’ve got plans tonight…’
‘Oh really?What’s going on tonight then?’Bernadette could hear the teasing in her daughter’s tone.‘Wild night out with the Aching Bones Club?’
‘I’ll tell my lovely pals you said that…’ The Aching Bones Club was Nina’s nickname for Bernadette’s close circle of friends: Val, Sarah, Alice, and a few others, all menopause joint-ache survivors and usual companions for Friday and Saturday night visits to the cinema or one of her favourite little bistros when Jack wasn’t here.
Nina groaned.‘Oh Jesus, don’t – Val will be in here like a shot.I’ll need to hire security.’
‘You will indeed.’Bernadette artfully avoided the question about her plans for this evening.She wasn’t going to spoil Nina’s joy by bringing up the significance of today’s date.And she definitely wasn’t going to share how she marked this date every year.There were some things that her daughter just did not need to know.Instead, she focused back on her original offer.‘But I’m at a loose end today, so I could come watch the kids, give you time to get pampered, or?—’
‘Thanks, Mum, but I’ve already got everything covered with my pals.They’re coming over later, and they’ve got a full itinerary arranged.It’s going to be fabulous!I’ll see you tomorrow.Love you.’
Bernadette didn’t even get to reply before the call ended, leaving her staring at the phone.It wasn’t in her nature to wallow, or feel sorry for herself.She was a ‘glass half full’ person all day long… but she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness that Nina had planned this whole day with her friends and Bernadette had no part to play in it.She’d offered several times to get involved, but Nina’s answer was always the same.‘You have enough on your plate, Mum,’ she’d insisted, and Bernadette’s arguments had fallen on deaf ears.
The truth was, she didn’t have enough on her plate at all.Yes, she had her job at the busy Emergency Department in Glasgow Central Hospital, and no she still didn’t understand why they’d renamed it after a lifetime of being called A&E.She also had the support group she ran for women who were leaving or had already left abusive relationships.And she had friends that she loved dearly.But with Jack being across the sea, and this limbo stage they were in… lately, it just hadn’t felt like enough.
And the Kenneth that occasionally visited in her dreams knew that.Last night he’d been taunting her, telling her that she’d never find love again.That Jack was lying to her.That she was being played for a fool.There was so much irony there.Those were his actions, not Jack’s.And even now, five years after Kenneth Manson had passed suddenly from a heart attack, he could still make her wake up with a feeling of dread.
That’s why tonight was important.It was a gathering.A source of moral support.An affirmation that she wasn’t alone in the struggles she’d had with Kenneth.A collective of women who’d shared some her experiences with him.
Bernadette took a sip from her coffee and glanced out of the French doors to the garden.There was still a frost there, and it was to be freezing all day, so maybe not a morning for a walk.She’d kept the whole day free in case Nina needed her, and in the hope that Jack might get here early, but it was a no on both counts.So what to do?It was too late to call any of her lovely pals at such short notice.Yet, her restless soul couldn’t bear the thought of sitting at home all day, thinking about Kenneth, thinking about the past, thinking about tonight.
She was glad of the distraction when the ring of her phone broke the silence.
‘How’s my very favourite ED nurse doing today?Does saying you’re my favourite contravene some HR policy?Did I just end my career before I scratched the surface of my full potential?’
Bernadette’s laugh was his answer.‘Only if I report you, but I can be bribed with wine and biscuits.’
Caleb Henry was one of her favourite nurses too.They’d become firm friends from the very day she’d moved back to the ED department after a two-year stint in the ICU, and she adored him.Barely out of his twenties, he had the kind of cool head in a crisis that was invaluable in their line of work, and in Caleb’s case, that also came with compassion, expertise and a wicked sense of humour that made her howl.
‘Deal.I’ll tape a packet of Hobnobs to the front of your locker.Anyway…’
The last word was said with a sigh, some hesitation and then drawn out.Bernadette knew that could only mean one thing.
‘The answer is no,’ she blurted.‘Not even for you.’
‘But you don’t know what I’m asking.’
‘Oh, but I do.The ward is short-staffed.I’m needed on my weekend off.They’ve asked you to call, because everyone knows I treasure your existence.And you’re taking one for the team despite feeling awful about it because you know I have Nina’s vow renewal tomorrow.Did I get any of that wrong?’
‘You’re mildly terrifying when you do that.Have you thought about a career as a psychic?’
Bernadette popped two slices of bread in the toaster and pushed down the lever.‘Nope, I’d hate to give up the long shifts, the inadequate pay and the ill-fitting uniforms of my nursing career.’
This time it was Caleb who laughed.‘I understand the appeal.Okay, I’ll tell the boss I tried.If he asks, say I begged you.I want him to think I’m assertive.But you’re quite right – I didn’t want to call you but every time the new ward manager asks me to do something, my spine falls out.Much as I miss you, I was hoping you’d say no because you’ve got far better things to be doing today.You go and have an incredible day.You deserve it.’
‘Thank you.’Bernadette knew she should leave it at that.Take the win.But decades as a nurse with a heartfelt devotion to her job, her patients and her colleagues got in the way.That, and the fact that she’d already ascertained that she was staring down the barrel of a boring day.Before she thought better of it, the words drifted out.‘Just how short-staffed are you?’
‘Erm, admittedly, it’s brutal.Three down this morning.Norovirus is taking us out like coconuts at a fair.’
Bernadette knew exactly what that meant.Frazzled staff.Long waits.Furious patients.Concerned families.A whole lot of heartache.She sighed.Stuff it.At least if she went into work, she’d feel useful and needed.‘Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.’
