Now, instinct tells me nothing.I have no training manual for this.There's no instructor watching from behind the glass, no checklist taped to the wall, no calm voice telling me I've got thirty seconds left before this goes sideways.There's no way for me to prepare, to train in a safe way.No scenarios I can run until I get it right, get it perfect.
It's all me.It's all her.And I dread the outcome.I dread her refusing me more than I fear death itself.
It's stalling, I know, but I can't help shifting the candles around and making sure the bed is just how I want it for Lila's first time.My cock grows thick and heavy as I look at the ropes, inspecting them one last time.
Glancing out the window, I stare into the night sky.Darkness has fully descended, casting the room in flickering intimacy.No sign of life.No one to look in on us.Just a mass of black where it meets the tips of the trees.
An Alpha can breathe here.Be free here.I only wish I could stay long enough to maybe own it.To buy it outright and make it mine.
Shaking my head, I turn toward the bathroom and make my way across the floor.I can't keep stalling.I need to face this head-on.
When I slide inside, Lila looks up at me, practically drowning in bubbles.It's the tension break I need.Shucking off my clothes, I stand before her in all my nakedness, allowing her to admire me for a moment before I motion for her to slide forward.
The massive tub is finally one big enough to stretch out in.But then, it makes sense.Every inch of this house looks made to accommodate an Alpha.It's not some generic building to get the job done.
A loud groan vibrates through my chest as I sink into the water and pull Lila on top of me.I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be at this moment.Her soft skin glides against mine, fitting into me, nestling above me as if made just for me.
"I wasn't expecting company," she giggles."I would have used a lot fewer bubbles."
"It's perfectly fine," I grumble as I hold her close, reveling in the feel of her pressed against me.
Several moments pass as she reclines there, but every inch of her feels tight and pinched.
Cracking an eye open, I run my hand down her shoulder before giving it a light squeeze."You seem worried."
"Well… I wasn't exactly expecting you here.And you didn't look so good coming in.Kinda bracing myself for the shoe to drop.It was bound to happen at some point."
I give a soft laugh as I wrap my arms around her."Such a perceptive little thing.I suppose I can't really hide anything from you."
She tips her head back and tries to look at me upside down, but then straightens back out when she sees just how much of a strain that is.
"You don't really hide anything.You may think you are, but I read you loud and clear.Granted, I don't always know what I'm reading, but I can tell there's something."
"Maybe it's just that way with you," I murmur as I graze my lips across her damp head."I seem to be a blank slate to everyone else."
Silence fills the room as she trails her fingers through the water, making abstract paths in the bubbles."I'm pretty sure that's not what you wanted to talk to me about."Again, she feels like steel in my arms, all trace of softness gone.
"What do you think it is then?I can feel your anxiety pouring off of you."
"You don't actually want to be with me.We're going to live together, but that's it.All of this was a mistake…I'ma mistake."
Sitting up, I force her to turn around in my arms so that she's sort of half-kneeling between my thighs.
"I want to get something straight off the bat.You are not a mistake.You will never be a mistake.None of this has anything to do with how I feel about you or the filthy, nasty things I want to do to you."
Her body nearly collapses as I watch the relief slide in."Then please just tell me.I'm about to be sick just thinking of all the ramifications."
A heavy sigh slips through my lips."That's just it.It's the ramifications.When you said yes to me, you had no idea what you were saying yes to.The job I have isn't pretty.It isn't safe.Joke all you want about 'Chair Force,' but that's not what I do.Granted, now that I'm stationed here, the threat is less, but it's never gone."
I reach out to cup her face and slide my thumb across the swell of her cheek."There is a chance the military will make me move.I cannot,willnot, leave you behind.It could impact your school, your studies, your life.Everything."
Letting my hand fall to the side, I close my eyes so I cannot see her face when I tell her the worst part."You have to understand what being bound to me means.There is always a chance I can leave for work and never come back.My job isn't pretty.It's hard work and concentration.Here, I won't be required to get my hands dirty like I used to, but it will never be never.I will shield you from it, but I cannot keep you from the truth.If you choose me, if you choose this, you have to know what you're choosing."
I refuse to open my eyes for fear of seeing her answer etched on her face."If you say yes, then I'm never letting you go.I can't.I won't.This is your one chance to walk away."
Silence greets my speech, and I long to open my eyes, to see the truth of her reaction.I hold there, body poised, ears desperate to pick up on any nuance.Nothing.There’s not even the sloshing of water to indicate movement.
Then, just barely, her lips brush against mine.She kisses me as her hips strain to straddle mine.I sit there, letting her take command in this one moment.It's an option I rarely grant, but I let her explore, let her take the lead.If it ends with her saying yes, I can be passive in these small moments.
