I can see the pain in his eyes, the absolute gut-wrenching devastation as he talks about it.But what happened to Mom was a fluke.Wrong place.Wrong time.The Alpha didn't even want her.She was just in the way of who he was really after.No one could have predicted it.No one could have stopped it.
"You're on your suppressants, right?”He cuts back into my thoughts.“Please tell me you're still taking them."
"Yes, Dad.It's mandatory at school, anyway.We get our hormones checked once a month to make sure they're holding steady."
"Good girl.Go get cleaned up, and I'll get the rest of your stuff."
My heart thumps in my chest as I go in and lock the door before turning on the hot spray.I guess maybe I'm giving him too hard of a time.It's just so hard to grasp for every scrap of freedom I can sink my claws into when he fears for my safety every single minute.
Stepping in, I let the water sluice over me as I force my mind to think of something else.After a minute or two, I find myself contemplating exactly what to do with the dildos in my bag.It was a mistake ordering them, but an even bigger one bringing them home with me.
Even now, my muscles clench as slick slides down my inner thigh.Great.Horny again.At least I know it's not my suppressants failing.At least… I hope not.That would make winter break even more awkward.
I need to get myself under control before Nate gets here.The last thing I need is to be a slick, needy mess when I see him for the first time in years.
Chapter4
Lila
Three Days Later
Three days.Three fucking days, and I'm already about to crack.Rising from my bed, I stretch and move, loosening muscles that prefer to just stay tight.Maybe I was wrong.Maybe I'm bigger than I thought and just kept pretending to be small to keep the illusion up.
Some days, it's so easy just to go along with Dad's delusion that I'm still his little girl, and any minute now, Mom will pop out from the kitchen with a grilled cheese sandwich cut into triangles just for me.Someday, however, I need to shatter this pipe dream of his and assert myself as the woman I'm becoming, the one who can no longer fit in this fucking child’s bed.
With a soft groan, I sit back down on the bed and cup my head in my hands.Or I could just find somewhere to live.Move out.Get my own place.Get out from under all this pressure.
Jobs.That's what I need.I just need to get a good job.One that will work around my school schedule.But then… I still need to pay the part of tuition my scholarship didn't cover.
Damn it all.Could I just do student loans?No.I tried that when I first applied.Dad and Linda make too much and they're still insisting I'm their dependent even though I'm nearly twenty.Fuck.
A frustrated growl rips from my throat as I pad across the floor and into the bathroom.There's got to be something.Some way.I've got to find a way to make money.
A small memory niggles at the back of my brain, tickling it into action.There were omegas going to the nearby rut clinic to pay their tuition, I believe.Somehow, they had enough to also live pretty well.I'm sure if I'm frugal, I could do the same.
No.
I cut the thought off as soon as it enters.That's not an option.Besides, I'm sure they wouldn't want a virgin like me fumbling it all up.As I understand it, the omegas already had boyfriends before signing in.They knew exactly what they were getting into.They knew exactly what they were offering.
How in the hell can I satisfy an Alpha when I can't even get a fucking dildo inside my pussy?Why would they want someone like me when I can barely take two fingers without my body clenching up like a vice?Yanking the bag over, I rummage around until I find the small cock.It still looks enormous even now.
I bite down on my lower lip as I wrap my fingers around it and grip it in my palm.It doesn't sound like Dad's up yet, but I can't be too careful.Sliding over to my bedroom door, I lock it, then secure myself in the bathroom.
As I move to the other door, I hesitate as I look inside Nate's room.Where mine is all delicate, frilly girlishness, his is dark and masculine.Somehow, Dad didn't have a problem painting over this room even though Mom painted it herself as well.
Perhaps it's because she didn't spend any time on it.Not really.Not the same as mine.
From my hazy memories, it was just a slap of light blue onto the bare walls.Now, it's a darker shade.Navy, almost.Dad didn't put up much of a fight when Nate said he wanted to change it out, but then, he probably wanted to accommodate the new family joining ours.It wouldn't be a good first start to refuse such a basic request.
Dragging in a deep breath, I struggle to find anything of her in here.Until she died, this was Mom's office.Spacious, to be sure, but Dad didn't care.Anything for her.Now, there's no proof she even existed.
Old baseball posters and sports paraphernalia dot the walls where she once kept art supplies and paintings.I'm not sure where those are now.I know he donated several to battered omega shelters and hospitals and such.
In some ways, it hurts more that she's been erased from this room, yet I'm supposed to remember her every time I step into mine.On the other hand, I'm grateful to see that it's not changed since Nate left for basic training.In some weird, twisted way, we're in this trauma together, bonded in very different ways.
With a wistful sigh, I close the door to his room and lock it.Now, more than ever, I need to get away.There's too much hurt here, too much sorrow that tries to stay buried but can't.I refuse to stay locked in the past.
If that means I have to whore myself out to strangers just to escape, then that's what I have to do.But first, I need to actually prepare myself.Shoving all thoughts of grief and frustration out of my mind, I start the shower and sit at the edge of the tub as the water runs.
