Under the soft rasp of his gasp, I heard the snick of the lube bottle open. A moment later, the warm, slick force of one of Alan’s fingers slid, knuckle deep, into my body.
It wasn’t a lot. Tip of a cock, tip of a finger, just the bare minimum, yet, like a meal interrupted by famous people, suddenly, this was real. This was me, suspended between them, at their mercy, at the moment when I accepted their control over my body, over my mind, if I let them, or rejected it.
I opened my throat and sank down Evan’s cock, taking him to the back of my throat, fighting my gag reflex to swallow around him.
His hips bucked up, pushing him deeper, which might have had me scrambling, but Alan chose that moment to push into me, crook his finger, and hit my prostate.
My eyes watered and a whimper worked up my throat, only to be gagged back by Evan’s cock. Then he was settling back to the mattress, hand stroking through my curls, allowing me a breath as Alan stroked in and out of my hole.
I looked up through damp lashes at Evan, who had his bottom lip between his teeth, flushed cheeks, and a look of concentration on his face that told me he was carefully monitoring me and my reactions.
I moaned and shuddered. Unused to that kind of scrutiny from him, I closed my eyes.
Evan’s hand in my hair jittered.
“You’re doing beautifully, precious,” Alan said.
It hit me then, that as commanding as Evan was being, his confidence wasn’t just his own, but was an offshoot of following Alan’s directions. Somehow, that was reassuring. Evan wasn’t the type to take control. But if Alan was directing him in how to do just that, it was different. He was still my Evan, my guy who liked to please, wanted to give pleasure more than he cared what was given to him in return.
And Alan was still Alan, in control of everything, because he wasn’t the type to give control over to anyone, not even to share. No. He was calling all the shots, just like he did when Evan’s and my places were reversed.
I relaxed.
“There it is,” Alan whispered, his tone filled with praise as he skated a hand up my spine and eased another finger into me. “You’re almost there, darling. Just let go and let us take care of you.”
Evan pulled one of my hands up to his lips and kissed my fingers. “We got you,” he promised. “You don’t have to be in control of anything. We won’t let you fall.”
I was going to fall. There was no doubt about that. I was already floating so far above my usual sex high there was no possibility this ended without me tumbling into them from a great height. How soft the landing was entirely depended on them.
I decided to let that be okay. To trust them.
It wasn’t until I had that thought that I realized I hadn’t been trusting them. Not completely. I’d been holding back, relying on my own personal strength and resilience to shore us all up, rather than truly letting myself lean on either of them.
I pulled off of Evan’s dick and rested my forehead against his stomach.
He stroked my hair and his belly rose and fell in a soft laugh. “You just figured it out, didn’t you?”
Looking up at him, I saw what he meant in his shining eyes. “Let us take care of you,” he said again.
“It’s terrifying.” It was a confession I had to make before I could do it. I had to say it out loud, hear myself admit it, before I could take the final plunge.
“Of course it is. Until you, I was never sure I’d be safe. You gave me that so let me return the favour. Please.”
“I love you.”
His smile was radiant. “Love you too, babe. Now suck my cock.”
Leave it to him to defuse my angsty energy into a joke.
I tried to look over my shoulder at Alan, but he clamped a hand around the back of my neck. “Letting me fuck you is enough,” he said. “You don’t have to say it.”
“Fuck that.” I flopped around to face him, up on my knees, chest to chest with him, his face in my hands before he could move. “That’s one thing you don’t get to tell me,” I said fiercely. “What to say or not say. So if I want to tell you I love you, I will damn well say I love you, idiot.”
He rewarded me with the smile that had turned my stomach over the first time I saw it and turned my heart over now. “That so?”
“It is, yes.” I huffed. “So. I love you. Damnit.” Before he could say anything, I kissed him, hard and implacable until he kissed back, tongues battling, his hands in my hair.
When he finally yanked back, he was still smiling. “Glad that’s out of the way. I love you too.” He leaned to look past me. “Both of you.”
