Our side, said G.
Otherwise, what? said R.
We were wrong? said G.
All along? said R. The totality of our life’s work a big bleck?
Every one of our life-moments spent in the service of utter doo-doo? said G.
Can’t have that, said R.
Won’t, said G.
Must remain entirely certain, said R.
At the risk of, said G.
We won’t say at the risk ofwhat,said R.
The more we work to convince ourselves, the more convinced we’ll stay, said G.
And the more convinced we stay, the less likely we are to consider, said R.
What might await us, said G.
Were we to even briefly become less convinced, said R.
Of the rightness of our cause, said G.
And by that, we win, said R.
We win, we win, said G.
Come along, said R.
Come along, little dog, said G. Who formerly commandedus.
My charge looked at me imploringly. Having by now intuited the way things worked in this realm, he (still roped) lunged into me, having, I could tell, something he urgently wished to communicate.
I held steady, heard him out.
—
Because he was no longer so fixedly himself, his diction was altered, although his voice, there in my mind, by way of his thoughts, sounded much the same as it had when he was alive (same flat Wyoming vowels, same faint, acquired Texas accent).
His exit from his body had lessened his reflexive defensiveness.
The magnitude of his sins was now painfully clear to him.
He had not yet reacquired overt speech.
However:
The thing can yet be fixed (was the gist). It can. And I know just how. Am I not ideally suited? For the mighty effort that must now come? If all is to be put to rights? It will, I assure you, be easily done, if led by me. Clean seas, green grass, white shirts blowing on a line in a pure wind. All of that will be. Again. If only you let me lead the thing. It is easily done. Noteasily(elbow grease required, sure, a ton of it) butstraightforwardly.Once the truth gets into a fellow, all becomes easy. After that it’s just work, work, work, at which (there can be no doubt on your part, sister, having come, tonight, to know me) I am a master. Who better than me? I broke it, I’ll fix it. Easy as pie. It will take some time (not much). For me to acquaint myself. With the methods. That will best suit. Wind, sun, nukes? Some way of reclaiming/purifying? There are so many possibilities once the mind allows them. I shall command the mighty levers. As is natural to me. I did no wrong. Yet wrong was done. By me. And yet: no blame. Blame dissipates the energy of the doing. We must fix, only fix. Fix, fix, fix.
He was still within me, I was still within him; I spoke gently back:
Too late, I said.
