‘Oh, I knew for a long time that Susan wasn’t my birth mother. She liked to throw that in my face whenever I did something she didn’t approve of. She would mutter under her breath how I was just like her, or just likethat woman. I mean, when I was little I didn’t think much of it, but as I got older I began to question what she meant by that. One day my sisters, who delighted in making my whole existence a misery, told me I was only there because my dad wanted a son and because Susan felt as if she’d had no choice but to let me into her life. I was an unwanted orphan.’
Angela cupped a hand across her mouth. ‘Oh, that’s awful. I am so sorry, I had no idea. I thought she was happy that she had you in her life.’
He shook his head. ‘She hated me, maybe not at first when I was little and didn’t argue with her precious daughters, but as I got older, she began to make it quite clear how much she disliked me. So much that she sent me to a different school to her girls, so they didn’t have to acknowledge my existence.’
Angela could feel a white hot rage building inside her chest at how cruel Susan and Jim had been. Depriving her of her child, whilst at the same time making his life miserable too when he was completely innocent in all their mess.
‘I’m so sorry, I really am. I wanted you so much and your father wouldn’t let me anywhere near to you.’
The oil sizzling in the pan on the hob crackled as he scraped the chopped onion and garlic into it.
‘Why? What did you do to him to make him hate you so much?’
He glanced at her and it was her turn to take a huge gulp of wine.
‘What I’m going to tell you isn’t very nice, but there is no point in trying to lie about it. There’s already been too many secrets and lies in your life, you deserve to know the truth.’
He stirred the pan then added some chopped mushrooms, sautéing them with the onions before adding the mince. He worked slowly and methodically. She waited for him to turn and face her before continuing. When he had stirred everything together, he turned to her.
‘What’s your big secret? What did you do to piss Jonathan off so much?’
She met his gaze, didn’t take her eyes off him because this was her one chance to put right all those wrongs. ‘I was bathing you one night. I was exhausted, you weren’t sleeping well or feeding too good, and I put you into the big bath instead of the baby bath. You slipped out of my hands, and this is so hard for me to say to you. I can’t say whether I was just in a daze or if I meant for you to drown. Jonathan came home and pulled you out of the bath tub, you were lifeless, and your lips were blue, you weren’t breathing. I don’t know how he managed it, but it was probably the one thing he ever did for you that meant something. He brought you back and saved your life.’ As she finished speaking, she let out a huge sob, so loud it made him jump.
He was staring at her in disbelief, and she could feel the hot tears as they ran down her cheek.
‘I’m sorry, I was a terrible mother, but I was also suffering with what we now know is the baby blues. You were rushed to hospital, and I wasn’t allowed to see you. Jonathan made it quite clear that I was to have nothing further to do with you. He arranged for Susan to stay the night with you on the children’s ward, whilst I was on a medical ward. He threw me out of the house the next day, left me a letter under a plant pot telling me it was over. I was not to contact him or Susan, as if I did. He would tell the police I tried to kill you.’ Angela rushed to get the words out between the tears and sobs.
He was holding the knife in one hand that he’d used to chop up the onions, garlic and mushrooms. He used the other to grab a clean tea towel off the rail and passed it to her.
She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t see anything but her own grief, and realised the enormity of what she had just disclosed to him. Pushing herself away from the table she stood up.
‘I’m sorry. I should go, I can walk. This wasn’t how I wanted to tell you, but you need to know the truth. When I heard about Susan and Jim’s car crash, I wanted to reach out to you, but I still feared Jonathan and everything he had said. He made me feel like I didn’t deserve you. I’ll give you some time to think about it and if you still want to talk, you can message me.’
She was crying so hard, the tears flowing so fast, her vision was blurry. She took a step towards the door. He shook his head and held his arms open wide.
‘I don’t want you to go.’
‘But you must be so angry with me.’
He shook his head again and, stepping closer to her, he wrapped one arm around her and squeezed her tight. ‘I’m not angry with you.’
‘You’re not?’ She tried to talk through the hitching breaths.
‘No, I’m not angry. I like you, Angela, or should I say Mum, and I wish we’d met a little bit sooner, I really do. Things mighthave turned out different; this wouldn’t have to end like this if we had.’
He lifted his hand towards her, drawing the sharp butcher’s knife across her throat in one swift movement, slicing open her jugular vein.
‘I’m fucking furious with you, Mum; you tried to kill me, then what was even worse you let a family of sociopaths take me in, and now look where we are. Look at this mess all because you didn’t have the courage to stand up for me. For us.’
Angela’s eyes went glassy with shock. She lifted her hands to her neck, but the blood was spurting out too fast, and she crumpled to her knees.
He watched as she tried to stop the blood, but it was pointless, she was bleeding out all over his cream kitchen tiles.
Angela saw his kind face as her vision blurred and then went black as she collapsed onto the floor, her body twitching.
He watched as her chest stilled, then turned and rinsed the knife in the sink, watching the blood run from the blade and his fingers into the plughole.
When he turned around, he stared at her lifeless body on the floor and shrugged. Then he stirred the pan. Opening a jar of sauce he poured it over, then added a tin of chopped tomatoes as an afterthought along with a blend of herbs and spices. It smelled good, he was starving. First, he would eat and then he would figure out what to do with the body on his kitchen floor. He heard whining and turned around, wondering if maybe she wasn’t dead after all, but he saw Barney sitting at Angela’s feet; he kept looking from her corpse to him.
