1988
The hospital was too loud. The baby had been rushed straight through into the paediatric resus room and both Jonathan and Angela were sitting on the cold, hard chairs in the waiting room. Angela was crying but she knew it was for herself more than it was for the baby. Jonathan wouldn’t look at her; she kept stealing glances at him. Every couple of minutes he was swiping at the corner of his eyes with the sleeves of his jumper.
‘Mr and Mrs Barrat?’
They both looked at the tall policeman standing in front of them. Angela swallowed hard to stop the bile rising from her stomach to her throat. Jonathan nodded.
‘Would you like to come with me?’
‘Oh my God, no, please.’ Jonathan’s voice was too loud in the almost empty waiting room.
‘The baby is okay; they’re working on him as far as I’m aware. I’m sorry I meant for us to go somewhere a little quieter.’
‘Thank God for that.’ Her husband’s voice was full of relief.
She didn’t trust herself to speak because she was afraid that she would not have the same kind of tone as he did. They followed the policeman down the corridor to a small room andinside of it, where there were a couple of sofas. Much more comfortable than the waiting room.
‘I’m Constable Bill Patterson. Can you tell me what happened to your baby?’
Angela felt the palms of her hands go slick with sweat, her heart was racing too fast, and it was far too hot in this small room.
Jonathan nodded. ‘I came home from work and found my wife passed out on the bathroom floor; the baby was floating in the bath. I got him out and phoned for an ambulance then did the kiss of life on him until it arrived.’
The policeman was staring at Angela. ‘Is that what happened, you passed out?’
She nodded.
‘Why?’
‘I was so tired, the baby doesn’t sleep. He’d messed himself and I wanted to clean him up, so I ran him a bath. I was going to bathe him then get in myself because I was covered in poop too. I undressed him and put him in the water and then I don’t remember what happened next until Jonathan was shouting at me.’
‘Did you feel ill before you passed out?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I felt weary but not ill.’
‘You didn’t try to hurt the baby on purpose?’
Jonathan stood up. ‘No, she did not. She’s not a monster, she’s tired and obviously under the weather. Angela would never do anything like that, would you?’
He turned to stare at her, and she shook her head. Finally hot tears came and began to fall down her cheeks. ‘No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t, I just felt tired.’
‘That’s okay, I’m sorry. I have to ask these questions. Some people do hurt their babies on purpose, maybe we should get the doctor to take a look at you whilst you’re here, Angela.’
She nodded; she was terrified that he might take her to prison if she said no.
‘I’ll be right back, wait here.’
He left the room, and Jonathan whispered in her ear, ‘Did you try and drown our baby?’
‘No,’ was all she could manage as the tears and sobs got louder, making it harder to breathe enough air into her lungs.
A nurse walked in with the policeman.
‘Come on, petal, let’s get you into a cubicle. Your baby is fine, they’re just making sure everything is okay, but Bill said you passed out. Let’s get you checked out, is that okay?’
She bent down and gently took hold of her elbow, helping her up. Angela let her. She was too scared to look at Jonathan. He was angry with her, which she could see by the way his eyes were too wide and staring at her.
She lowered her gaze and let the nurse lead her out of the family room and into a cubicle, where she helped her onto the bed, then drew the curtains around them.
