"That's nae the worst of it." He finally looked at her, and Ada saw the devastation in his eyes. The kind that never fully healed. "She was nae well at all after the birth and Mairi couldnae dae anythin’ fer her either. Right before she died, Freydis looked at me and told me the truth. Said the baby wasnae mine. That she'd been with another man. That she'd lied tae me fer months, let me believe I was goin' tae be a faither when the child was never mine at all."
Ada's breath caught.
"She died minutes later. Never told me who the faither was. Never explained why she did it. Just left me with that truth and naethin' else." Magnus's voice was hollow.
Silence stretched between them. Ada's eyes were bright with tears, her hand still clutching his like a lifeline.
"She broke yer trust so completely ye dinnae ken how tae give it again," she said finally.
"Aye." Magnus's jaw clenched. "I ken it's nae fair tae ye. Ye've done naethin' tae deserve me suspicion, at least nae since ye have arrived here. But every time I start tae let ye in, every time I think maybe this time will be different, I remember. Remember how foolish I was. How blind."
"Ye werenae foolish, Magnus. Ye were tryin' tae build somethin' with yer wife. There's nay shame in that."
"There is when yer wife is buildin' somethin' with someone else." His voice turned bitter. "So aye, Ada. That's why I pull away. Why I cannae seem tae give ye everythin' ye deserve. Because I'm terrified that if I dae, if I let meself love ye the way I want tae, ye'll destroy me just like she did."
Ada was quiet for a long moment. Then, slowly, she reached up and cupped his face in her hands.
"I'm nae her, Magnus. I will never be her." Her voice was fierce. Certain. "I dinnae care about trade routes or alliances or whatever else brought us taegether. I care about ye. About the stubborn, impossible, wonderful man ye are. Who's teachin' me tae fight. Who gets jealous when other men look at me and possessive when anyone tries tae hurt me."
"Ada—"
"And I'm terrified too." Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Because I thought ye didnae want me. Thought maybe ye looked at me and saw naethin' but an obligation. A burden ye had tae carry because the king commanded it."
Magnus's hands came up to cover hers where they rested against his face. "How could ye think that? After last night?—"
"After last night, when ye pulled away. Again." Ada's voice broke slightly. "Stopped before we could truly be taegether. And I didnae understand why. Didnae ken if it was because ye didnae want me enough or because ye still see her when ye look at me."
"God, Ada. Nay." Magnus pulled her closer, his forehead dropping to rest against hers. "I want ye so much it terrifies me. Every moment we're taegether, every time ye smile at me or touch me or just exist in the same room, I want ye more. It's nae about nae wantin' ye."
"Then what is it about?"
"It's about bein' afraid that if I give ye that final piece of me, if I let ye see how much I need ye, ye'll realize the power ye have over me. And then—" He couldn't finish.
"And then I'll use it against ye somehow." Ada understood then. Fully. "That's what ye're afraid of. Nae that I'll betray ye the same way. But that I'll see how much ye care and may use it tae hurt ye."
"Aye."
"Magnus." Ada's hands slid from his face to his chest, rested over his heart. "I can feel how hard yer heart is poundin'. Can feel how much this is costin' ye tae talk about. And I promise ye, on everythin' I hold dear, I will never use yer feelings against ye. Will never weaponize yer love."
"How can ye promise that? How can either of us ken?—"
Ada rose up on her toes and kissed him. Cut off his words with her mouth, her hands fisting in his shirt to pull him down to her level.
Magnus made a rough sound low in his throat and kissed her back. Harder than he should have, more desperate than was wise. His arms encircled her, crushed her against him.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Ada looked up at him with eyes gone dark.
"Ye want proof I want ye?" she whispered. "Proof that I'm nae usin' ye fer alliance or gold or anythin' else? Then take me. Right here, right now. Show me what ye've been holdin' back. Stop bein' afraid and just let yerself feel."
Magnus groaned. "I need ye."
Her hands moved to the laces of his shirt. "I need ye too. Need tae feel that ye're real. That what's between us is real. Please."
And God help him, Magnus was only a man. A man who'd been denying himself what he wanted for far too long.
He pulled her behind the tall hedges, into a space barely large enough for two people. Pressed her back against the stone wall and captured her mouth again.
That time he didn't hold back. Didn't try to gentle the need coursing through him. His hands roamed her body, memorizing curves through fabric, finding the laces of her gown.
