“Him who? Talk to me. You don’t have to deal with whatever is going on by yourself,” I say, rubbing my hand up and down his thigh.
“It’s Jackson. Again,” he says with a heavy sigh, placing his hand over mine.
Shifting further on my cushion, I lean back and meet his weary eyes. “What about Jackson? Did something happen? Is heokay?” My mind is racing a mile a minute. Logan may be angry at Jackson, but I know if something bad ever happened to his brother it would destroy him.
“Honestly, I have no idea.” Shrugging, he leans forward and places both elbows on his knees. He holds his head in his hands for a moment before sitting up and sliding back on the sofa. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Tell me.” I encourage, taking his large hand in my small one. I don’t know what’s going on, but it has visibly upset him.
“Mom texted me to let me know that Jackson may be around Emerley. That’s who I thought I saw at Bob’s the other night.” He glances at me then down at his phone.
“Okay, what’s the big deal? He grew up here. And why didn’t you just tell me who you thought you saw when we were at the bar?” Turning sideways, I tuck a foot under my bum and look at him closer.
“It’s complicated,” he mumbles, spinning his bracelet.
“I’m fluent in complicated. You need to tell me what’s going on?”
Closing his eyes, he leans his head on the back of the couch, while I wait for him to answer me. “I love my brother, I really do, but I don’t love a lot of the things he has done. I don’t love how my parents, my mom especially, make excuses for him. He’s fucking 26 years old, and they still baby him.” Sitting silently, I play with the cuff of my sweater as I wait for him to continue.
“After they moved away from Emerley, he got mixed up with some people that he shouldn’t have. Older guys who preyed on young, troubled boys to do their dirty work. They recruit them with the promise of belonging and money. I’m sure there was drugs involved too.” Pausing, he swallows deeply before continuing. “As a result, he ended up in jail shortly after his eighteenth birthday.”
“Jail? Are you kidding? What the fuck for?” I gasp and my eyes widen with disbelief. What the actual fuck?
Taking a deep breath, he fills his cheeks and lets it out in a huff. “I don’t know all the details because I had already removed myself from his life, but he was charged with a bunch of cybercrimes. Jackson was always good with computers, coding and shit, but I don’t think anyone realized how good he really was. My parents were in the middle of their divorce, then Mom started working. I had left for school and nobody was paying attention,” he trails off for a moment before continuing. “My understanding is it started small with E-skimming. He accessed people’s credit cards and banking information in real time and racked up charges. He basically stole from them. Then he started getting bolder and began targeting companies. He would get a cut from what they stole so he took more risks for more return. There was an investigation and when the gang ultimately got caught, he took the fall. He ended up being sentenced for four years in a minimum-security prison.”
“Oh my god, that’s wild. How is nobody in town talking about this? In a village that makes up rumors for sport, they can sure keep secrets when they want to,” I say in disbelief.
I confess I never sought out information about any member of the James family. I heard bits and pieces about Jackson over the years because he has always been a bit of a troublemaker – but prison? Wow, that’s shocking.
When I lost Logan, I also lost my second family. Beth helped those first couple of months after dad died but then she moved away and neither of us tried to keep in touch. Seeing Jackson around town was just painful. Though they are nothing alike personality wise, Jackson is the spitting image of his older brother. I was secretly glad when he was no longer here.
“Poor Beth, that must have been so much to deal with,” I murmur under my breath.
Logan huffs. “Oh wait, it gets better. His sentence could have been reduced after serving two thirds. He could have been released with probation, but he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut in prison and ended up in a fight with another inmate. Because it was a violent offense he got moved up to medium security and had more time tacked onto the original sentence.”
“Jesus, Logan.” Both hands cover my mouth as I stare at him.
“I know.” He sighs, absentmindedly running his hand up and down my thigh. “He was released on parole a couple of years ago. The conditions include staying clean, limited access to the internet, staying away from known criminals and mandatory counseling. Dad said he was doing well, and he was the happiest he had seen him in a long time. He met someone, had a steady honest job, and a nice apartment. Recently, his relationship ended and everything fell apart. Now he’s spiraling and has probably violated his parole. He missed a check-in with his probation officer which is problematic. It’s totally fucked.”
There are so many things to unpack with all that information, but I focus on one. “What do you mean spiraling?”
“I don’t know, self-destructing?” He shrugs. “My parents are worried he will fall back into whatever he was doing that landed him in jail the first time. I don’t know what they expect me to do about it. He needs help, but he has never been able to take accountability for anything in his entire life. Everything is always everyone else’s fault. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
“That’s kind of harsh, don’t you think? It sounds like something bigger is going on.” How did he get pulled into something so big at such a young age? What was going on in his head to make him so vulnerable, I wonder to myself.
“I don’t know what to say. I truly wish that we had a tighter relationship when he was a teenager. Maybe he would have come to me and told me what was going on and I could havedone something to help him. Maybe things would have been different.” Slowly shaking his head, he continues, “Now I’m just over it. We haven’t spoken in years so I don’t think he will reach out to me, but Mom is trying to pull me back into his chaos and I just can’t do it.”
None of this is sitting right with me and my stomach feels anxious. “Is he dangerous?”
“No, I don’t think so, just angry.” Pulling me onto his lap, he strokes my back with soothing hands. “Try not to worry, but if you do see him, and I’m not with you, walk the other way and let me know, okay? I don’t want you involved in his bullshit.” This conversation is beginning to feel a lot like déjà vu. Logan warned me away from his brother a few times when we were younger. “Can we just leave it for now. I’m tired of holding a place for him in my life. He has already taken so much from me.”
Sinking further into his embrace, I ask, “Okay, but do you have a plan if he does show up?”
“That will depend on him.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“I should really get ready to go to my mom’s house for lunch. Do you want to come?” Hannah peers over at me from where she is sitting in her Adirondack chair.
