“It’s complicated. I have so many conflicting feelings.”
When I hired Sam, he wasn’t familiar with my lore, and I was okay with that. But as time went by and we got to know each other better, I began to share more about myself. He never pushed for more information than I was willing to give. Until today, I guess.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently.
“I’m confused. When I first found out he moved back I was so angry. But now I’m beginning to enjoy getting to know him again. See… complicated.”
“So, now that he’s back. What’s his explanation for leaving?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, rubbing my fingertips along my bottom lip.
“What do you mean you don’t know? He’s been blowing up your phone and he hasn’t told you anything?” His eyes widen with disbelief.
“Well, no, I mean he’s tried.”
“Obviously not very hard,” he huffs.
“No, he has – I’m just not ready to listen. It was a horrible time in my life, and our breakup compounded it. I’m afraid that too much focus on the past will be triggering. I don’t want to relive any of it. Is that stupid?”
“That’s valid. But is ignoring your history together going to affect what your future could look like?”
I hesitate, then sigh, “I guess so.”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but as someone who’s with you almost daily, I see your face light up when you talk to him. In all the years I’ve known you I have never seen a simple text make you smile like that. Do you think you want to explore a relationship with him again?”
“That sounds terrifying.”
“Why?”
“The last time he left it almost destroyed me. I can’t do that again.”
“Have you told him that? Maybe he has some conflicting feelings of his own.”
“What is this – Dr. Phil?”
“Ewww, no. You know I’m much better looking than he is.”
Looking at my watch, I see I have about 40 minutes before my after-school art kids arrive. This children’s program is the highlight of my week; their enthusiasm is contagious. I have been sorting through scraps of fabric that they may want to use when I hear Sam coming up the stairs.
Without looking behind me, I ask, “Do you mind grabbing the ribbon bin and buttons from the closet?”
“Sure, where’s the closet?”
I spin around when I hear an unexpected voice that doesn’t belong to Sam.
“Oh, hey Logan. What are you doing here?” This is a surprise.
The butterflies in my stomach say it’s a great surprise. Settle down in there, ladies.
“I was in the neighbourhood and thought I would stop by. I met Sam downstairs, he seems cool. He told me I could head up.” He shrugs with one shoulder. Smiling, he says, “You look pretty today.”
Has he looked in the mirror? Grey waffle knit henley with sleeves pushed to his elbows, ripped black jeans and combat boots, this man is drool worthy. It’s no wonder the town is talking about how good looking he is.
“Thanks, you too. I mean you look good. Handsome.” Cringing,fuck, why am I being so weird around him?
“So you were just in the neighbourhood, eh? That sounds fake.”
“Or maybe I just wanted to see you.” He rubs the back of his neck with one hand, sheepishly looking around the room taking in my studio space.
