I could lie here forever not doing, not feeling, not hurting.
“What can I do to help?”
“Just this. I’m glad you came,” I murmur. “I don’t want to be alone. I’m tired of being alone.”
“Me too. Now move over so I can lie beside you. My ass hurts from sitting on the floor.”
Chuckling, I shift over to make room for him. He sighs heavily when his head hits the pillow.
After a moment, he tells me, “I texted Claire, she’s going to FaceTime you in the morning, okay?”
“You didn’t have to do that. I know how hard it is for you to talk to her.”
“I’m fine.” He lifts one shoulder. “I knew she would want to support you, even if it’s from a distance.”
“I guess the friends-to-lovers trope didn’t work out for either of us, did it?”
He snorts and shakes his head. Riot has crushed hard on Claire since we were teenagers. Completely clueless, she chosesomeone else – his older brother – and now they are off on a grand adventure.
“I just wish he would talk to me and not shut me out, ya know?” I say as I roll to my side to face him. “I want to know what I did wrong.”
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything. It’s all him.”
He slides his hand across the mattress and hooks his pinky around mine.
“I promise you’ll get through this. I will support you any way I can. We all will.”
Part Two
Now
TEN YEARS LATER
Chapter Twelve
31 years old
I should have left work hours ago, but I lost all sense of time arranging a display at the gallery. We have a new artist show casing her work next week, and I want everything to be perfect.
I am hungry and exhausted, but I enjoy the drive back to my cabin. It is absolutely beautiful this time of year when the sun sets over Crystal Lake.
Autumn is by far my favourite season. The days are still warm, and the evenings are cool enough to need a cozy sweater. Huge bonus points that I can keep the top off my blue Jeep Wrangler a little while longer. The air smells crisp and the leaves are changing to brilliant shades of red and orange. Life gets a little slower in the fall, and after a busy summer we deserve it.
Soon, it will be my turn to host Friendsgiving which is one of my favourite annual traditions. Give me all the turkey and pie please. Extra bonus points for it being the beginning of spooky season.
Recently I have gotten into the very bad habit of driving down Cedar Avenue and pass the house Logan grew up in.Tonight, won’t be an exception because I’ve become a little obsessed.
While visiting my mom at the beginning of August, I noticed a for-sale sign had been placed on the lawn of the pale-yellow craftsman bungalow. I always loved the covered veranda and giant backyard there. In addition to the drive-by, I also looked up the listing and have done a couple virtual tours. I confess I may have a problem.
I’m not surprised that the house is being sold. Beth held onto it as a rental for a long time. There have been several tenants over the past decade. Mostly students, but nobody stays for more than a few semesters at a time.
Then, a couple weeks ago, I saw the sold sign and a moving truck in the driveway. It’s affecting me more than I am comfortable with.
As time passed, the anger and pain of losing Logan has lessened, but instead of closing that chapter of my life, the sale has been very triggering. It’s bringing up memories that I have long buried. It’s reminding me of the tremendous grief I felt after losing my father, and my boyfriend slash best friend in such a short time.
Logan broke every single promise we made to each other that winter. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe he would walk away. My 31-year-old brain understands that time has passed, and I don’t have to hold onto this pain anymore. But my 21-year-old heart still hurts that he abandoned me when I needed him the most.
A couple of years ago, after way too much wine, I convinced my friend Beck to look up Logan on social media. Zero good decisions are made when wine is the third member of a trio.
