My mother’s perfume.
That’s weird.At first I thought I was having some kind of reaction to the disgusting potion we’d had to drink. But as the smell grew stronger, bringing with it memories of my childhood at Briarwood – baking in the kitchen with Mum, translating books in the library with Dad, building forts in the wood with Keegan.
Flynn was next. He stepped forward and picked up the cup, waving his palm over it so the water curled up into a liquid ribbon that poured through his fingers. “With water, I cleanse myself,” he said, and passed the goblet to Aline. Flynn’s ribbon of water trailed around her fingers, looping between her bare hands. She passed it on, and the ribbon curled around each of our fingers as we all said the words.
As the cool water slid over my skin, a memory flashed in front of me. Keegan and I camping overnight in the woods for his tenth birthday. We found a little stream trickling down behindthe Raynard estate, and followed it until we came to a flat area that was perfect for pitching our tent. Keegan splashed around in the water while I set up the tent and got a fire running. While my back was turned he found a rock the size of his fist and threw it at the back of my head. My vision swam and I passed out, toppling forward and burning my wrist on the fire...
My wrist flared with heat. A thousand needles jabbed into my skin. I yanked my hand out of the water, and the pain stopped.
Don’t think about it. This is ridiculous. You haven’t thought about that in years.
When the goblet returned to Flynn, he set it down on the table. “Rowan, your turn,” Aline said.
At first I didn’t think he’d heard her. He didn’t move. “Rowan?” I asked.
Rowan blinked. He stepped forward, passing his foot in front of himself as if he expected a giant hole to open in the floor and swallow him. He grabbed the salt off the table and held it out in front of him, pinching the granules between his fingers. “With earth, I cleanse myself.”
As I watched in awe, beneath his fingers a tiny shoot rose up from the salt, two leaves unfurling and opening up toward the light above.
Rowan passed the salt to Arthur, then to Blake. More tiny shoots sprung up from the white granules and wound around their fingers. Blake passed the dish to me. As I pinched the granules and muttered the words, magic hummed up my arms. Memories slammed into me – me waking up back in my room at the castle with a pounding headache. Dad explaining Keegan had run back to tell him I’d tripped and hurt my head. Keegan led Dad back to where I’d fallen and Dad carried me out of the woods. Keegan stood beside my bed, his wide eyes brimming with guilt and pain. My parents exchanged a troubled glance, as though they knew exactly what had really happened.
“With…” My voice wavered. “With earth, I cleanse myself.”
Passing the dish to Flynn caused me physical pain – my arms ached to cradle it. Tears sprung in my eyes. Images of Keegan flashed in front of my eyes – all the violent things he did to me over the years, and to himself. All the sweet moments we’d shared. All the times my parents left me to look after the twins for days or weeks at a time while they took him to another specialist. And always his pale face and limp body swinging from that rope.
I want this stupid ritual to stop, now.
I blinked, trying to force away the memories. Only one more element to go.
Aline indicated that we take hands. I shoved my hands out, trying to keep my shoulders and elbows locked so no one noticed my hands were shaking. Flynn slid his sweaty mitt into mine. Blake squeezed my fingers and turned toward me.
“You okay, mate?”
“Fine,” I growled.
“You don’t look fine.”
“Well, I am.” I turned to Maeve. “Your turn.”
“With spirit, I cleanse us all,” Maeve said, narrowing her eyes.
It’s okay. I can handle this. I can?—
Heat flared down my arms. The memories rushed on me like a freight train, bowling me over with Keegan’s smile, Keegan’s laugh, Keegan’s eighth birthday where Dad took us both for a ride in a real Spitfire, Keegan’s scream, Keegan smashing paintings in the Great Hall. Keegan’s body swinging, swinging...
Keegan’s face morphed into Rowan’s. Rowan, waking up and realising I’d effectively kidnapped him. Rowan smashing a priceless Wedgewood plate. Rowan on his second return from rehab, glassy-eyed and unresponsive. Rowan’s gleeful grin when he plunged his hands into freshly turned-over garden beds.Rowan’s shy smile when he presented me with his first ever batch of scones – sweet and light and wonderful, just like him.
My legs shook. Nausea welled up in my stomach, pushing against the back of my throat.
“The energies that no longer serve us, leave now,” Aline said. “We have carried your presence this far. Now, we release you and ask you to leave.”
The nausea hummed inside my head. My lips trembled. I forced my facial muscles to move, to form the words.
“Goddess, fill these bodies with your healing light. Give us the peace we desire so that we may continue our good works.”
Light filled my vision, piercing my skull so I wasn’t just seeing it, I dwelt in it. My whole body trembled and lurched and convulsed, as something dark and sickening welled up from my stomach and spewed from my mouth.
I slid into the light, and lost myself to the world.
