Itwasmy fault.
I’d been so angry at Keegan for all the things I said, I yelled back instead of trying to help him. I didn’t go after him when he ran. I spent the last hours of his life hating him, and he needed me.
I nearly lost Rowan.
“Corbin, listen to us. I can see it in your face – you’re still blaming yourself for all of this.” Maeve knelt beside us both, her hands resting on our shoulders. “The same goes for both of you. The things that happened to you aren’t your fault, either, Rowan. Being sick isn’t a punishment. It’s just a shitty thing that happened.”
“I made those choices,” Rowan’s lips brushed against my shoulder. Wet tears rolled down my shoulder. “Corbin can’t blame himself for my punishments.”
“It’snot a punishment.” Maeve glared at him. “You need to believe that.”
“I don’t really know what’s going on here,” Aline piped up. “But I think I know something that will help.”
I glared at her, stroking Rowan’s back. “It would help if you didn’t fuck things up. If you hadn’t said anything to him, none of this would have happened.”
Aline winced. Maeve’s hand grazed my other shoulder. “You can’t blame her for this. She doesn’t know the whole history of what’s happened. But she’s not going to fix it, either.”
“I can!” Aline insisted. “Some of the witches in my coven came to Briarwood to escape bad situations, too. Rowan’s mother Dana was one. Flynn, your mother was another. The first ritual we performed together was a cleansing. I wanted people to feel like when they entered the walls of this castle, who they were and where they came from and what they’ve done didn’t matter. They get to start over. That what you all need – to cast off the past and cleanse yourselves of the negative energy that’s corrupting your minds.”
“Does it work?” Blake’s voice dripped with interest.
“It did. Dana was able to make peace with what her parents did. Flynn’s mother Bronagh stopped letting her hatred of the man who raped her corrupt her spirit.” Aline pressed her hands to her heart. “I discovered the capacity to think of people other than myself.”
I glanced around the room. Arthur leaned against the doorframe, naked from the waist up, his tattoos crossing his skin like the scars he covered with his hand. Flynn sat on the bottom step of the secret passage, his head in his hands, the weight of his own pain crushing the humanity out of him. Blake dangled his legs over the edge of the counter, his usual smirk invisible behind an unreadable expression, Rowan in my arms, his body trembling under the weight of his newest trauma.
And Maeve…kneeling beside me, her cheek pressed against my shoulder, that incredulous look on her face she got whenever someone talked about astrology or woo woo magic. I could practicallyseethe cogs whirring in her head. “That sounds dumb. It’s a fallacious attribution of the relationship between thoughts and deeds. Dancing around in a circle makes peoplefeellike they’ve done something to help themselves, so they attribute any improvement to the magic when it’s really the chemical changes in their brain. What Corbin and Rowan both need is to see a properly qualified psychologist.”
Aline’s face fell. “How can you say that? You’re awitch.”
“Transference of energy makes sense in a scientific concept, even if the rituals are hokey Gandalf the Grey stuff. But as the High Priestess, it’s irresponsible of me to advocate chanting and crystals to cure real and deep psychological pain.”
Maeve’s jaw set in the firm line that meant she wasn’t going to be argued with. But behind the incredulous stare, her own pain lingered. The grief of what she’d lost and the weight of protecting Kelly and Jane and Connor and the world that bowed her shoulders hovered over her like a cloud of darkness. Even though she didn’t believe it would, she hoped this cleansing would help.
Maeve, Arthur, Flynn, Blake, and Rowan all carried burdens. They needed to be free.
I didn’t want to let go of Keegan. I didn’t know who I was without the shadow of him looming over me. But they all needed this, even if Maeve was intent on denying it. And I would do whatever they needed. I would keep them safe.
“I think we should do it,” I said.
“Corbin, I’m in charge here,” Maeve sighed.
“I know, and you still make the final decision. This is my opinion – I think there’s no harm in trying the cleansing. Even if you’re completely right and it does nothing except act like amagical placebo, if it helps, then that’s a good thing. If it doesn’t, then the only thing we’ve lost is a few hours sleep.”
“I needed that sleep,” Maeve grumbled.
“I agree with Corbin,” Arthur said, rubbing his arm at the elbow. “It’s worth a shot.”
“It’s not like you to be afraid of a little casual relationship, Princess,” Blake grinned.
Rowan looked up, his eyes wide, his face streaked with dried blood and tears. “I want to do it.”
“Fine!” Maeve threw up her arms. “The science nerd overruled by the hippie witches. Let’s do this.”
Unlike most rituals that were better performed outside in the open air, Aline insisted the cleansing take place inside Briarwood. “These are the walls that protect us, after all. They can be symbolic as well.”
We gathered in the Great Hall, pushing the furniture to the edges while Aline helped Rowan prepare another potion. This one was green and looked even less appetizing than the sleeping draught we’d used to dream travel to the fae realm – if that was even possible. Rowan brought in the tray of shot glasses and placed them on the small coffee table in the centre of the room.
“You have no idea how much I wish those were filed with whiskey.” Flynn made a face that mirrored the way my stomach felt.
