But she was already running back toward the castle.
I slumped down beneath the tree, staring at the cuts on my wrist, hating myself for telling Maeve about the scars.
I scare her. The woman I love is afraid of me.
The rage inside me flared, the heat against my skin rising to an unbearable temperature. The worst kind of hatred – the kind that turned inward, at myself.I hurt Maeve.
My pulse pounded in my ears. I balled my hands into fists, fighting to contain the fire.
“Oh no, you don’t,” I growled, shoving my hand into my pocket and pulling out my pocket knife. I flipped open the blade. A fleck of sunlight peeking through the apple tree caught the stainless steel.
They don’t understand. Warriors bleed. My blood makes me strong.
I placed the knife against my skin, slashing a deep cut over the scars. Red welts flashed into front of my eyes as my bloody trickled down my arm. The stinging pain hit the wall of heat inside me, and the fire fizzled out as my attention focused on the blood.
See? I’m stronger already.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TWELVE: MAEVE
“Kelly, it’s me, again. I know you’re not picking up because you don’t want to talk to me, and I get it. I’m just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and you’re right. I’ve been treating you like crap, and I want to fix it. I want to fix us. I’m going to give you some space but I really want you to call me back so we can talk. Please. I love you.”
I hung up. In my lap, Obelix yawned leisurely, and rolled over, presenting his fat belly for rubbing. I obliged him with shaking fingers while I dialed Jane’s number. She answered after two rings.
“Jane, I?—”
“Fuck off, Maeve.” The dial tone buzzed in my ear.
I clicked off the phone and tossed it at the bookshelf. It hit the spine of a tarot-reading guide and bounced on the rug, sliding into a square of moonlight pouring in from the window behind Corbin’s desk. Obelix shot me a filthy look and stood up, jumping down and going over to bat the phone with an inquisitive paw.
I glanced up at the moon, noting how only one thin edge was cut off by the dark of space. Only eight days left until it was full, until the Slaugh could begin their ride across the earth. My skinitchedto do something, to grab Daigh around the neck and shake him until he called off the attack, or break down the door to Jane’s cottage and force Kelly to listen to me.
But there was nothingtodo but wait, and think, and hope Kelly forgave me.
I slumped down in Corbin’s wingback chair, frustration welling up inside me. Corbin had gone to the Great Hall for supper, leaving behind a stack of magic books with post-its sticking out of every second page. He’d been working all day while I’d been arguing with Kelly and interrupting lesbian action and finding out the horrible truth about Arthur’s cuts.
Arthur. Oh God. What is going on in that thick skull of his?
When I told him I loved him, he looked shocked, completely flummoxed. Not like Flynn – not scared of his feelings – but completely unable to believe the someone was capable of loving him. And he was hurting himself…
My beautiful warrior was slashing at his own skin so he’d be strong for all of us. That was messed up.
I needed to find a way to help him, to make him see how much he was loved, how he was enough just as he was, and that it wasn’t his responsibility to save the world on his own.
Aline moved across the room, the hems of the jeans she’d borrowed from Rowan dragging along the rug. She picked up the phone from under Obelix’s feet and turned it over in her hands. “Remarkable thing. What does this button do?”
“That opens up the browser.”
“Browser? Like the internet? You have the internet on yourphone?”
“Yeah.” I took the phone off her and scrolled through the apps so she could see. “This little baby does all sorts of amazingthings. This one lets me make text messages and share photos with my friends. This is the NASA app that sends me pretty pictures from space. This is an interactive star chart. It’snotfor astrology,” I confirmed as I saw her face light up. “This one claims to turn my phone into a geiger counter but it’s not accurate enough to be useful. And this one lets me make video calls.”
“Just like Star Trek?” Aline’s eyes widened.
“Um…yeah. I guess so.”
“If you have this phone, then why can’t you just video call your sister – by Astarte, it’s really weird to think of you as having a sister – and let her see how sorry you are.”
