“Okay, then. We’ll focus on your mother’s bedroom, the study, two drawing rooms, and the ballroom. If it’s alright with you, I’ll start work in your study. It’s the smallest of the rooms, and I think that if we can knock it out quickly, it will give us some momentum to tackle the other jobs.”
Alaric nods.
“The biggest challenge is going to be the loom. We’ll have to hire an expert to move it?—”
“I will arrange that. I was the one who placed it there, after all. I designed it, so I know how it comes apart.”
Wow.
Okay.
I decide to brush right over Alaric’s casual “I built a loom” confession. “Do you have another room where you would like to set it up?” I ask. “I passed a yellow drawing room on my way from the tower that wasn’t nearly as crowded as these.”
My unwilling student lets out an ennui-filled sigh. “I shall move the loom to that room.”
“Good. Then we’ll have heaps of room for stage one of the Winnie Wins System.”
“… The what?” Alaric’s eyebrows approach his hairline.
“The Winnie Wins System. It’s my special system for helping my clients get clean and stay clean. It’s four words, the firstletters of which spell ‘WINS’, so it’s easy to remember. It’s so good that I trademarked it. Well, technically, the Clutter Queens trademarked it, but I’m one half of the Clutter Queens—”The half that does all the work.“The first stage is W – Whirlwind. We whip through these rooms like a storm of tidiness.”
Alaric looks like I’ve just suggested he jump into a bath of razor blades.
But I can’t stop. I’m on a roll. “We move all the items in the office to the centre of each room – that way, we can see exactly what we’ve got, what’s junk and what’s art, and how to categorise them. We toss the rubbish and sort everything into groups of like items, and decide where those items live. I’ll need to purchase some containers. Make that alotof containers. And get some shelves made to fit the office wall. I have contacts who can get us a decent price. Do you have a budget in mind?”
“Money is no object,” he says. “You’ll need to speak with Reginald about the funds. He may need to sell some of my gold.”
Ooooookay.
I shrug. “That’s fine. As long as the bills get paid on time.”
“Would it be agreeable to you if I move the loom another day? I’d like to assist you with the tornado.”
“The Whirlwind. And absolutely. I need you to tell me what’s junk and what’s special to you. I can’t make those decisions for you. But fair warning, I like to play music while I work,” I say.
“As do I.”
I recall the jazz music he’d been playing when I arrived. We have different tastes. I open my kit and drop my phone and portable speaker on the corner of his desk. “Do you want to pick the playlist?”
He lifts up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m sure whatever you enjoy will be … educational.”
I can’t help a cheeky grin as I flip through the playlists on my phone. Alaric watches over my shoulder, that delightful corner of his mouth quirking up as he takes in the names of all my playlists.
“‘Tunes for Drunken Wallowing’?” he asks. “‘I Hate Patrick’ playlist? ‘NakedShower Dancing Songs’?”
“I have a playlist for every occasion.” I am a professional organiser, after all.
I push play on my “Getting Shit Done” playlist, which is a mix of old-school metal and bangin’ singalong pop tunes. The opening riff of Amon Amarth’s “With Oden on Our Side” blasts from the speakers. Alaric leaps back, his eyes wide with terror.
“It sounds as though the Vikings are invading,” he yells.
“That’s accurate.” I turn it down a notch. What kind of man is afraid of a riff? “Better?”
“Much.”
“Okay then, now that we have our soundtrack, it’s time to attack this room. We’re going to make three piles: Keep and display. Keep and organise for future art projects. And junk to throw away. By the end, you’re going to love the Winnie Wins System, I guarantee it. Now, this misshapen lump of metal: junk or modern art?”
FROM THE CLUTTER QUEENS WEBSITE: THE WINNIE WINS SYSTEM
