I know logically that this is pointless, that I’m kneeling in front of two embalmed corpses slowly decomposing underground until they eventually return to stardust. I know that there’s no such thing as Heaven and Hell and my parents aren’t really angels looking down on me.
I knew all of it, and yet, I opened my mouth.
“Hey, Mom, Dad.”
Arthur squeezed my shoulder.
“I didn’t expect to find myself back here so soon, staring at…” I gestured at the stones. “Well, you know. But things have got all messed up and turned around. I’ve discovered some things about myself since you were gone. You didn’t know that I was a witch when you adopted me. Maybe if you had known, you wouldn’t have fought so hard to keep me, but I doubt that. That’s not who you are.
“I just wanted to say…you were the best people I’ve ever known. You loved me and accepted me and I…I don’t think I ever told you how proud I am to be your daughter. We may not have always agreed, and we definitely didn’t believe in the same things, but you always believed in me, and I always believed in you.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t wipe them away, didn’t fight them. I let them roll off the tip of my chin andsplash into the dust, feeding the desert with my sadness. “I’ve met these five amazing people. They made me realize that my eyes were closed before. But now they’re wide open, and for the first time, I see just how lucky I was to have you in my life, and how much I wish you could have stuck around to see the people Kelly and I become. These guys are looking after me now, and I’m looking after Kelly, so you don’t have to worry. I know you wouldn’t approve of what we’ve been doing, but I’d like to think that despite it all, you’d have treated them like your own sons.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you’re looking down on me from Heaven, just close your eyes at the dirty bits, okay? I’m dealing with losing you as best I can, and these guys are helping me…” I gulped back the lump in my throat. “I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. It feels like my heart has been crushed to pieces and it will never be whole again. I wish I could talk to you about what’s happening. I feel so lost. But I’m doing my best to find my way using everything you taught me. I love you, and I’m so amazed and honoured that I got to be your daughter.”
I stood up, brushing the dirt off my knees. Tears streamed down my face, soaking my collar and stuffing up my nose. Girls in movies always looked so tragic and beautiful when they cried. I turned into a snotty, soggy mess.
Arthur didn’t say anything, but he opened his arms. I fell into his embrace and a great wave of relief washed over my body – a shudder of warmth that told me I’d just passed through another stage of my grief. The sadness reverberated through my whole body, but Arthur’s steady presence reminded me that I would be okay. I wasn’t going to fall to pieces. I had kind people around me who would hold me together.
I looked up at Arthur. There was no trace of the rage that had marred his features over the last few days. Instead, Arthur’s soft eyes drew me in, showing me a tiny piece of his soul laid bare – that part that missed his mother, that grieved for her still.His lips parted slightly as he debated his next move. My chest fluttered, and my whole body ached to fall into him, to join our bodies and hearts together.
“One more stop.” I smiled through my tears.
“Maeve, are you okay?”
His voice cracked and my whole world shuddered on its axis.
I need to get out of here or I’m going to lose it.
I dropped from his arms, my body crying out in protest. I ran toward the car.
“Come on,” I yelled over my shoulder. “This next stop is much happier, I promise.”
Bless Arthur. He slid into the car without a word, rolled the roof off the convertible, and followed my instructions. We headed further out into the desert, toward the rugged mountains that jutted from the earth like the teeth of a predator. Goosebumps rose on my arms.
After ten miles, I pointed to a dirt track leading to a dark weather station. The small white dome of an observatory telescope glowed under the bright moon. Across the sky, the Milky Way spread out like a blanket shot with silver thread. Glittering stars mapped the heavens, drawing me into that same giddy sensation of awe, of smallness, that I’d always felt as a kid staring at the sky.
Arthur pulled over next to the white dome and turned to me in confusion. “What are we doing out here?”
“I’m surprised you don’t know since you stalked me for so many years. I spent more time out here than I ever did in church. Southern Arizona has some of the clearest skies in the country. You can get perfectseeing– that’s how well you can view the stars – about three hundred and fifty nights a year. This area we’re standing in is a certified Dark Sky Sanctuary, which means no one is allowed to build anything that has any lights at night. The local astronomy clubs and hobbyists come out herefor stargazing parties, and for the last couple of years I’ve done some research work for the Kitt Peak observatory, mostly on categorising nebulae and galaxies?—”
“Did you bring me out here to show me some boring science shit?”
I grinned. “It’s not boring. To me, this is the most beautiful place on earth. It’s also where I lost my virginity.”
Satisfaction emboldened me as Arthur’s breath hitched. He smoothed down his beard. “I think this is going to be my favourite of all the stories I’ve heard today.”
I hit him on the arm. Arthur laughed – a deep rumbling laugh from the heart of his belly. I focused my gaze back on the sky, picking out the familiar constellations and planets with a practised eye, and continued.
“It was to this guy, Andrew, in my astronomy club. We were the only two students from community college willing to be involved in the research, so we spent a lot of nights camping out here alone. I was the one who kissed him first, who kept pushing him to take things further until finally, we went as far as we could go. The sex was…nothing exciting. Nothing like the way I feel when you kiss me or when the others…”
I trailed off, realising what I’d been about to say.
I glanced back at Arthur, but surprisingly, he didn’t look angry at having my relationship with his friends brought up. He reached across and took my hand, rubbing his fingers across my knuckles, sending a shiver of desire down my arm and right into my core.
I continued. “It wasn’t actually about the sex, or about Andrew or how I felt about him. It was the first time I ever really did something for myself, becauseIwanted to. I talked a big talk about going away to college and becoming an astronaut, but deep down I hated displeasing my parents. I was terrified that it would cause a rift between us, that eventually I’d have to choosebetween science and love. Having premarital sex was my way of showing myself that I could live my life on my own terms, and they’d still love me. Of course, I never told them, so the point was moot, but that’s teenage logic for you.”
“Why did you bring me here, Maeve?” Arthur’s voice strained.
