Getting anywhere in this huge castle took time, and I was wide awake by the time I descended the secret staircase to the kitchen. I was surprised to see the lights on and Rowan hunched over the bench, shirtless, his sinewy muscles rippling as he worked an enormous ball of dough. Flour dusted the surface ofhis skin, the particles glimmering in the light like a fine layer of glitter.
“Rowan.”
He jumped when I spoke, but his face broke into a smile as he looked up and saw me.
“I didn’t hear you come down. I hope I didn’t wake you up, with the lights and… and…” Rowan swiped a few of his dreadlocks over his shoulder, leaving a trail of white flour across his dark cheek.
“I couldn’t sleep. I…I had another dream.” I paused.
His face was impossible to read. “Like the others?”
I shook my head. “No. This one was a nightmare. I’m still a little shaken up.”
He patted the stool at the island beside him. I sank into it, watching as he continued to knead the bread with rhythmic thrusts. His lips moved as he counted each push and pull of the dough, the way he counted many things. I wondered if he always counted while kneading bread, or if it was something he was doing because I was here.
I was just about to ask him about the counting when Rowan mumbled into his chest. “You were with Corbin?”
“Yeah…I…” I didn’t know how much to say.
Rowan’s face twisted, a weird mix of happiness and pain. “That’s fine. That’s okay.” He stopped kneading and pulled out a stool on the other side of the island. He sank into it, clasping his hands in front of him, still staring at his chest.
Something twisted in my gut as I took in his hunched shoulders.I’ve hurt him.
“Are you upset about me and Corbin?” I reached across the table to take his hand, but as soon as my skin touched his, Rowan drew away.
He shook his head. “It’s as it should be. Corbin’s the leader. He should be themagister. He’s the one people always fall for.”
“People?”
“Girls,” Rowan whispered, wrapping a floury arm around himself. With a sinking heart, I remembered the way Emily flirted with Corbin, and how he and Neale bantered back and forth. ”Corbin has a lot of girls because he can justtalkto them. He wants to protect people, and lots of girls love being protected.”
“Not me.” I jabbed my chest, although I think it was a little bit of a lie. “I’m pretty good at protecting myself these days, as long as I have my trusty spade.”
Rowan snorted. I hoped it was the start of a laugh, and not directed at me.
“Corbin told me a lot of stuff tonight, about being the High Priestess, and how I gain my powers. I’m not saying I fully understand it, but…it fits, you know?” I reached for his hand again, and this time he didn’t pull away. My fingers stroked his knuckles, and even the light touch sent another tingle of desire through my body. “I’ve been feeling weird since I arrived at Briarwood. I came because my life in Arizona was taken away from me, and I thought maybe going somewhere completely different would help me move on. But now…let’s just say Briarwood is starting to work its magic on me. I think you know a little about what that’s like.”
“This castle is built on the embers of our pain,” Rowan said. “But when you mix those embers with fresh earth, seeds of new life can grow.”
“That’s beautiful.” I turned Rowan’s hand over, slipping my fingers between his. Rowan’s arm jerked a little, but he still didn’t pull away. I stared at his face and for a moment he looked up, and his green eyes darted about in panic. I wanted so badly to peel away the layers of him, to see the person that lurked beneath the ticks and counting, the person who’d been so deeplyscarred that Briarwood wasn’t even enough to heal him, that he had to withdraw within himself, to a world of his own order.
“Maeve…” Rowan’s voice shook. He tugged on my hand. I tightened my grip, wanting to keep the mesmerizing connection of our bodies as long as possible.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me, Rowan. I wouldn’t say no. You don’t think you’re worthy of me because you think I’m this High Priestess, but I’m telling you as Maeve Moore, fellow weirdo, that even without this coven magic acting on us, I would shag you in aheartbeat.”
Rowan gulped. He yanked his hand away, his eyes wild with panic. “That’s not true. Don’t say things like that.”
“Look into my eyes, Rowan.” He shook his head, staring at the lump of dough on the counter. “Itistrue. I didn’t choose Corbin. We slept together, but I didn’t choose him. There might be other options and right now…I’m not ready to choose anybody.”
I reached for Rowan’s hand again, but he shoved both his hands into his lap and closed his knees over them.
“Tell me about the dream,” he said, taking a shaking breath.
It took me a moment to calm my racing heart enough to recall it. “Blake was there, but it was just the two of us this time. He said it was his turn to show me something, so I think I might have been inhisdream and he was controlling it. We were standing in the meadow, looking up at the castle. Only, nothing was right. Everything was charred and burned and dead, Briarwood buried beneath walls of thorns. The ground was parched, the sky poisoned with radiation. Even the air tasted different, thick and gross.”
Rowan didn’t say anything, but he did look up at me, his blue eyes flashing.
I continued. “Blake said it was our fault – humans were responsible. He said the fae were coming for us because theking had seen this vision. Then he showed me these stakes in the ground and on them were—” I gulped as Rowan’s beautiful face was replaced by the charred image – his ears gone, his skin burned away, revealing bone and muscle. I gulped again, feeling the bile rise in my throat. “—you guys. The four of you. You had been pierced through the chest on stakes and burned alive.”
