“A shagrificial altar?” Gabriel smiles. “Why, Malloy, how little you must think of me. You’re the first girl I’ve ever brought here.”
I snort, assuming he’s lying. But Gabriel’s face is easy, free of tension. I wonder, if he’s being truthful, why he chosemeto bring here, to step inside this private piece of him.
Gabriel flings open the balcony door. The roar of the surf rushes in, enveloping me. Gabriel sits on a recliner, crossing his boots on a small table. He lights up a joint. “I’m a rockstar. I’ve never had to look far for pussy and all the drama that goes along with it – I don’t need that shit cluttering up my home.”
Then why am I here?I ask inside my head as I lean back in a recliner and accept the joint from Gabriel. Smoke curls between us as we pass it back and forth in silence. He scrolls through his phone and selects a playlist. And a song comes over the built-in speakers – slow and sultry, mournful piano and two string instruments dueling for supremacy.
“This is my friend Dorien’s band, Broken Muse.” Gabriel flicks his tongue against the barbell in his labret. “He’s this hyper-intense goth dude, but he knows how to party. You’d hate him.”
“I hate most people.” I let the music fill me. It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. I never knew classical instruments could create a sound like that.
“But not me?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“You’re tolerable.”
“So Mac, do you ever feel like you’re an imposter in your own life?”
I glare at him. “What happened to small talk?”
Gabriel shrugs. “People always talk bollocks around me. I got into music because I wanted to do something real, but instead I’m surrounded by fake people all the time. Go on, then. Do you ever feel like an imposter?”
So weed makes Gabriel pensive, then.I should have guessed, him being a sensitive, brooding rockstar and all. I nod, blowing a trail of smoke. “All the fucking time. What if I told you I’m not who you think I am?”
“I know you’re not,” Gabriel says, and I choke on the sweet smoke. But Gabriel’s smiling. He wouldn’t be smiling if he truly knew. “I know all your secrets, Mac. I know that beneath your Ice Queen facade beats the heart of an even colder Ice Queen.”
I punch him in the arm. “You’re a dick. And I’m not all ice. I’ve got layers.”
“Like an onion?” he grins.
“More like a triple-chocolate-cherry layer cake.”
He nods. “We should stop talking about food. You’re making me hungry. But yeah, you wear a mask. We all do. I don’t think you’ve taken yours off in a long time. I get that. The only time I ever took my mask off was when I played music, or when I was hanging with Dylan. But now—” Gabriel shrugs.
I notice his past tense. “You’re not playing music anymore?”
“I can’t. I haven’t played since Dylan died. We’re already late with the new album. Everyone’s on my arse to finish writing the songs – the band, the manager, the label. But Ican’t.All my life, all I’ve had to do islistenand the songs appear, fully formed. It’s as if they already exist, and all I have to do is pluck them out of the air. But now, when I listen all I hear is this deafening, apocalyptic silence.”
And I wonder if that silence has something to do with the waterfall outside. And if Gabriel’s silence is anything like the silence of being a ghost inside an empty house for four years. But I don’t say that, because I don’t want to talk about myself. I just want to fill my head with THC and listen to Gabriel talk forever. “Is it because of Dylan that you can’t play?”
Gabriel takes another long toke. “Dylan’s family works on our estate – we’ve been mates since we could crawl, raising hell everywhere we went. We spent so much time hanging out together, going hunting in our forest, that I didn’t notice the things that divided us. Like, Dylan couldn’t go to my posh school. As soon as he was old enough, he had to work on the estate. He and his family came on all our fancy holidays, but they were still expected to cook and serve and ferry us around. I never thought any of that mattered, because I’m a self-obsessed wanker. And then I read his suicide note. He spent his childhood watching my spoiled arse get everything I wanted, and then when my music –ourmusic – took off, he was still in the background cleaning up after me, holding my hair while I threw up, dragging me away from bad situations. No wonder he hated me. I’m not surprised the music died with him.”
I study Gabriel as he talks. His flirty, happy mask slides away, revealing the dark edges of his soul. His fingers tremble as he brings the joint to his mouth, and I long to rest my hand on his leg, to pull him into my arms, to kiss away the horror of what he saw in that hotel room.
“Right.” He gives me this sad smile. “I’ve spilled my guts. Your turn. Why have you been a ghost all these years, Mackenzie Malloy?”
The words trip over my tongue, desperate to escape. For four years, Gabriel has been the moonlight shining through the bars of my prison window. He sings the stars and the blood and the rain. I’d give anything to give him back the stars to sing again, even reveal my darkest secrets.
Nope. Not happening.
I snap my mouth shut and glare at him. This is why I shouldn’t be here, why getting close to people is dangerous. Especially sexy British rockstar type-people.
Gabriel leans forward, his face inches from mine. The raw beauty of his pain slips away as quickly as it appeared, tucked back in its heart-shaped box inside him. His sugary, smoky scent mingles with the pot in the air, making the warnings in my head float away as soon as they appear. Gabriel’s flirty smile draws me deeper, and I sit on my hands to stop myself from reaching up and pulling him to me, taking that barbell between my teeth and tugging it until he begs for me—
“Come to a party with me on Saturday,” he says in that cocksure way. It’s not a question. Gabriel Fallen isn’t used to hearing no. “Normally, I’d say Stonehurst parties are bollocks, but I have a feeling with you on my arm, we’ll fuck shit up.”
“Whose party?” I can barely get the words out.
“Daphne Ballantyne. She’s Noah’s ex. He’ll be pissed I invited you, which is even more reason why you should be there.”
