Faye’s face froze in shock. “What is this? What do you mean? We’re going to perform the Beethoven together and—”
“I don’t want anything to do with you, Sprite.”
Tears welled in the corners of her eyes. “Don’t use that name when you’re being horrible. Is this about me coming to your house last week? I’m sorry I pushed you into inviting me, but we had fun, didn’t we? Dorien, please, explain this to me.”
Please, please don’t make this even harder.
“There’s nothing to explain. I don’t like you, Faye. I pretended to like you because my parents wanted me to get closer to your father. But it’s not worth it anymore.” I narrowed my eyes and conjured up the dark desires and seething hatred that burned inside me, and I threw them up between us like a Greek warrior raising his shield.
At the time I didn’t entirely understand my action, but I did now. She had to see me as a bad person, as this selfish, self-centered asshole who wasn’t worth her time. I had to give her all the ammo she needed to forget me.
It was the only way she’d be safe.
“Dorien, I…” Her words trailed off as the tears spilled over her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Faye never cried, not even when Madame Usher yelled at her or her father went away on tour and forgot to call. I commanded my feet to move, to go to her so I could throw my arms around her and take her pain away. But I couldn’t. Because I was the root of that pain, the cause of those tears.
“I don’t understand.” Faye slid onto an overstuffed ottoman, her violin falling across her lap. “I thought your parents liked me. At your house they said—”
“They were being polite. And so was I.” I turned on my heel. If I had to look at her any longer, I’d lose my shit.
“Dorien, wait!” The crack in her voice sent a shudder through my body. I didn’t turn around.
Every inch of my body wailed in protest, but I walked away.
Out the door.
Into the elevator.
Across the parking lot.
Away from her.
It wasn’t so hard to pretend to be an asshole. Maybe I wasn’t pretending. After all, I learned from the best.
My mother waited in the back of the car, her brown robe pulled high around her neck. As soon as I slid into the seat, she indicated for the driver to take us home.
Mom patted my leg. “It’s not too late to change your mind, Dorien. She is a good match; Father Aaron says so.”
I nodded. I couldn’t speak, or I’d scream.
“Not to worry.” She had that fake brightness in her voice, the tone she always took when Father Aaron wanted us to do something she didn’t agree with. The tone had no power – she never contradicted him. “We’ve already found you someone even better, from a less volatile family. You’ll meet her at your new school. Her name is Heather Danvers.”
My phone beeped, startling me out of my dream. I rubbed my eyes, trying to smudge away that image of my mother’s hopeful face and Faye’s cheeks streaked with tears. I scrambled for the phone, my heart thumping as I saw it was a text from him.
Hey I hope I dont wake you but things are bad here Aaron hit mom hes angry all the time and he talks about this thing called ascension I wish you would come back.
That was the longest text he’d ever sent. It must’ve taken him a long time to write all the words. My parents never allowed him proper schooling, so he was slow to read and write.
My chest twisted with cold, ugly hate. How could they not see what they were doing to him? How could they believe that this life was better? My mother blamed me. “You turned out the way you did because we gave you everything on a silver platter. You have no discipline. You’re corrupted by the world of material wealth. I’ll not make the same mistakes twice.”
No, I turned out the way I did because you never loved me unless it had conditions attached. Because I was never fucking good enough so I stopped trying. Because you keep calling me ‘a mistake.’
They hadn’t even let me see him when I visited the other week. Father Aaron ushered me into the room that had once been our breakfast nook, now emptied of all furniture except for a circle of lumpy pillows on the floor. Anger radiated off him in waves. He didn’t want me there in my fancy clothes and expensive cologne, reminding the others about the temptations of the world outside.
More than anything, I wanted to escape this cage I’d made for myself the day I dropped Faye as a friend, but I was trapped. Madame Usher’s words echoed in my ears.A new student will be arriving soon. I need you to destroy her. Do as I say, or I’ll cut you off. How long will you last when the world finds out the truth about your family?
She thought that was all I cared about.She doesn’t know the half of it.
Of course, Madame remembered Faye and I used to be friends. That was why she chose me – if anyone could burrow inside Faye’s heart and rot her from the inside, it would be me. That was what I did – I turned everything I touched into ashes and dust.
