“You’ve been spying on my dreams, have you?” His lips tugged up into one of those rare, heart-melting smiles. “Ever since I saw you get into that pool with Quinn, I’ve been seething with jealousy. And then at the movie night, he got to have his hands all over you; him and Trey. And theyknew…”
“Knew what?”
“Knew that I had a thing for you,” he whispered, his silky voice catching on the words. There it was, that vulnerability I’d wanted to see in him for so long.
“How could you have a thing for me? You’re sleeping with Ms. West. And you threw maggots in my breakfast.” A shudder ran through my body at the memory of it. My muscles tightened as the horrible realization dawned on me that he could be about to spring another torment on me, that he might have seduced me on purpose to get me into this position and—
Ayaz stroked my head, and the broken look in his eyes made my body relax. “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone except Quinn and Trey before?”
“Sure.”
“I don’twantto fuck her. I hate it, in fact. But she made it quite clear that if I didn’t drop my pants for her, she’d find new and interesting ways to torment the few people at this school I actually care about. So that’s why I tried so hard to fight what I felt for you – I didn’t want her to use you against me. And I did the maggot thing because I’m a fucking asshole. But the day I did that, the creature’s power waned as it had never before. Tillie’s father lost his seat in Congress to a black politician. And Trey and I realized that maybe you were key to burning this whole motherfucking thing down.”
“How do you gather that?”
“Everything that happens in this school is just a smaller version of the real world. The Great Old God manipulates behind the scenes. It makes sure the Eldritch Club members remain in power. For every scholarship student sacrificed, it makes the world more unequal, a little more weighted toward keeping power with the powerful, the rich, the white, the straight and god-fearing. And for every heart that breaks, every student we’ve broken, they get closer to their endgame. We thought resistance was hopeless… until you.” Ayaz shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. His arms tightened around me like he was afraid to let me go. “Forgive me, Hazel. I was so fucking wrong. This place had me all twisted up inside. I thought… we thought, that if we pushed you harder, if we drove you right to the edge, then it would break the god and we’d be free.”
Even though I’d known that already on some level, hearing him say it still sent a jolt of shock through me. “And then Trey held me over the cliff,” I whispered.
“Yes. And then we realized that we’d gone too far, that we’d done to you what we’d done to others. That our own evil had cost us everything…” Ayaz struggled to breathe through his confession. He rose up onto his hands, tearing the bond between us as he shoved his body away. His face twisted in wide-eyed horror – not horror at me, but at himself. “I should go. You can’t want me after this—”
I grabbed his shoulder and slammed him down, crushing my mouth against his. I poured everything I had into that kiss, feeding him from the fire that burned inside me. He’d done a shitty thing, but he was far from the only one. My punishment plan felt completely ridiculous now, needlessly cruel. Ayaz wasn’t a monster. He didn’t need to be shown right from wrong. He knew already, he just didn’t have a choice. We were all pawns on this board – we did what we needed to stay in the game. Right now, I needed him.
“You didn’t break me,” I said, trailing my fingers over his dusky skin. “I was forged in steel and fire. Now shut the fuck up and kiss me, because I’m probably dying in this school, but I’m not going out a virgin.”
“But why me? Quinn or Trey—”
“Because…” I touched my hand to his hair, curling my fingers through the silky strands. “We’re the same.”
“I’m the luckiest fucking edimmu on earth.” Ayaz cupped my cheeks in his hands, bringing my face to his to sear me with his kiss. His body shifted to cover me, his hardness digging into my thigh. Clothes flew in all directions as we pawed at each other, hungry to close the space between us, to press hot skin to skin. My nails scraped his back, clawing for purchase as we slid together, trying to crawl inside each other’s fire.
Ayaz bent back and flung my feet out on either side of him. He plunged his head between my legs. I gasped as his tongue found the spot where my fire burned brightest – the source of the flame. Ayaz dug his nails into my ass, lifting me off the sheets so he could taste more of me.
My whole body throbbed, crackled,blazedwith fire. I trembled as flames tore down my arms and circled my chest.
And then, the rush came – the fire burst out of me, pushing me over the edge and outside my body. I floated somewhere in the world of spirits, lost to everything except Ayaz’s lips on mine, his hard body shielding me from the nightmares that threatened to overwhelm us both.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered as he reached between us, guiding himself inside me.
You’re beautiful. No one had ever said that to me before.
“You’re…” My words dissolved into a moan.
A condom wrapper tore.
When Ayaz entered me, fire danced on my eyeballs. There was a sharp jolt of pain. My flesh burned up. He moved inside me, slow at first, then faster as my body adjusted to his size, to the way he scorched me from the inside out. In between the flames, my mind left my body again, and I saw a flash of the cavern below the gym. The chains jerked and rattled against the trapdoor, and the creature in its void cowered in fear and rage.
What we were doing right now hurt it more than anything else. That knowledge made me shift my hips up to meet Ayaz’s thrust, driving him deeper, driving out the demons that had infected us both.
I needed him, in a way I’d never needed another human being before in my life.
We drove out the darkness with our bodies, burning up in an inferno of our own creation. Our limbs tangled together, hearts beating in unison against our chests. For once the darkness wasn’t a place where nightmares waited to creep up on me. Iwasthe darkness, and it felt fucking good.
Ayaz cried out as the fire burned through him, as he released his own demons into the flames. His muscles contracted around me, his body growing stiff then collapsing against me, panting as sweat rolled down his back.
We held each other as the sun rose, as the inferno we built died back to embers, as my eyes fluttered shut. I slept, and Ayaz’s warm fire kept the nightmares at bay.
Chapter Thirty
