I took a deep breath, climbed the steps, and shoved my key in the lock. Pushing the door open a crack with my boot, I checked she wasn’t waiting in the hall to murder me. If she did, I honestly wouldn’t blame her. Seeing and hearing nothing, I pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped inside.
“Hey, Mum.”
She glanced up from the kitchen table. The red rings around her eyes made her look older. When she registered my presence, her whole face collapsed with pent-up emotion. “Mina? Where have you been? I was so worried when you didn’t reply to my messages. I was about to call the police!”
A wave of defensiveness welled up inside me, but I bit it back. My lower lip quivered. “I know, Mum. I’m sorry.”
“You’re—”
“I’msorry. I’ve been acting like a real cow lately.” I set my bag down in the hallway. “Can I make some tea? I’d really like to talk.”
Mum nodded toward the kitchen. Her whole body sagged in her seat, and she wrung her hands together. I studied her as I filled the kettle and set it on the stove. Why didn’t she run at me to hug me and touch me, the way she always did? Something kept her in her seat, staring at me with wary eyes. I hated myself for hurting her so deeply.
“Where have you been?” she said, her voice hoarse. “Why didn’t you answer my calls? I called the shop, but Allan told me you were at Baddesley Hall. Then I heard there was a murder and a bomb scare. A bomb scare, Mina! You should have told me you were okay.”
As I collected our two favorite cups and some biscuits from the tin, I noticed the kitchen had been thoroughly cleaned. There was still a faint smattering of glitter everywhere, but that was only because glitter was the herpes of the craft world – no matter how carefully you wash, you can’t stop it spreading.
“I know. I really am sorry. I wanted to call, but the police wouldn’t let us make calls out while the Hall was in lockdown. It really wasn’t as exciting as they made out – just some dumb local kids playing a hoax.”Minimize it as much as possible, or she’s not going to accept what you say next.
“What were you even doing up there, anyway? Is this your life now that you’re dating Morrie, swanning around in grand houses and being too good to talk to your mother?”
“Please don’t think that! First of all, I’m not dating Morrie. Cynthia Lachlan invited me to their fancy Jane Austen weekend because I helped clear her husband’s name in Mrs. Scarlett’s murder. I wish you’d been able to see Baddesley Hall, Mum. It was insane. The room I stayed in was four times the size of this entire flat. There was a gilded fireplace!”
“It sounds special,” Mum said, her voice closing up.
I found the sugar bowl hidden behind a stack of soap-making instruction sheets that still bore the scars of the Great Glitter Unicorn Poop Attack. “If I’m ever invited again, I’ll take you with me. I think you’d really enjoy it.”
The kettle boiled. I poured our tea to our individual tastes, and set hers down in front of her. Mum didn’t touch it, her eyes following me as I moved around the table and sat down opposite her.
I sipped my tea, the hot liquid giving me the courage to say what I needed to say. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that a hundred times, but I need to say it again. I’ve been ignoring you because I was angry, and that was wrong. I promise I won’t do that anymore.”
“I don’t understand you anymore!” Mum shot back. “I’m trying to look after you and keep you safe! I thought that’s why you came home, because with your eyesight you’re going to need so much help. But ever since Ashley was killed and you started working at the bookshop, you’ve been pushing me away. You snap at me whenever I try to help. You don’t listen to me. You’re acting like a spoiled teenager, and that’s not like you at all!”
“You’re right, I have been acting horribly. That’s on me, too. I resented having to come back to England. I wanted to be in New York, working in fashion. I didn’t want things to change, and I took that resentment out on you.” I set down my cup. “It stops right now, all of it. From now on, I promise I’m going to tell you what’s going on in my life and to let you know what I need so you can help. I’d better start by letting you know that I went to see an ophthalmologist in Barchester last week. I went because I’ve been seeing strange lights blowing up in front of my eyes – flickers of neon colors.”
Mum gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. “Mina, no. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s okay, Mum. I was scared. I kept it a secret because talking about it made it real, and if it was real it meant I was going blind. But the important thing was that Ididtell someone – my friend Allan. He convinced me to make the appointment, and I’m glad I did. I like my new specialist, Dr. Clements. I’m glad she’s going to be looking after me. I’ll take you to meet her next time I have an appointment.”
“What did she say about the lights?”
I sucked in a breath. “She told me that the degeneration in my retina is occurring at a faster rate than my New York doctor initially thought. She believes I have around eighteen months left before I lose my sight completely.”
Mum wailed. Tears rolled down her cheeks, dropping onto the ‘Soapgasm’ posters spread across the table. I rested my hand on hers, making a mental note to tease her about that horrible name at a later point.
“It’s okay. It truly is. When I was trapped in the house this weekend, it made me realize that everything I’ve been so afraid of was going to happen, and I could handle it. All the stuff I thought was important isn’t what really matters in life. I might not be able to be a fashion designer anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to curl up into a corner and die. That’s not me, and I’m sick of acting like it is. So please don’t cry. Because I’m done crying about it.”
“Oh, Mina.” Mum’s tears dripped on my arm. “You’re handling this so well.”
“I’m not really, but I’m trying to get better.” I gave her a weak smile. “With that said, I’ve decided that I’m moving out.”
What?
I am?
The words just fell out of my mouth. I hadn’t intended to say them, but as soon as they hung in the air between us I knew they were right.
“You’re… what?” Mum’s mouth twisted in confusion.
