“You don’t—”
“You can kill Quoth later. Lord knows it would solve half my problems,” Heathcliff glared at me. “Does he speak the truth?”
“Yes,fine,it’s true.” I threw up my hands. “I’m going blind, okay?”
I’m going blind.The words rung in the silent room – words I’d been terrified to utter out loud ever since the diagnosis. Words I’d only told one other person (not counting Mum) before, and she’d gone and ruined my life with them. Words that meant I lost everything I loved – color, art, words. All of it gone.
Heathcliff shot to his feet. He patted the chair beside the fire. “Sit. Tell us about it.”
Morrie looked aghast. “You’re letting her have your chair? I’ve lived here for three years and never once have you let me sit in that chair—”
“Keep harping on about it and I’ll throw the chair out the window,andI’ll shut off the hot water,” Heathcliff growled. Morrie nudged my frozen body toward the chair.
I stared at my feet, my whole body trembling.They know they know they know—
“Bloody hell, Quoth, you’ve upset her,” Morrie punched his flatmate in the arm. “You can’t just blurt out shit like that.”
Quoth leaned against the doorframe. “I didn’t know it was a secret,” he said.
“Yeah, well.”I didn’t know a third flatmate who could place in a Brandon Lee lookalike competition was secretly watching me shelve books, but there you go.
An arm slid around my stomach. Morrie’s head appeared under mine, his lips dangerously close. “Quoth didn’t mean anything by it. He’s not great at reading social cues. If it will make you feel better, I can concoct an elaborate revenge plan. I’m very good at revenge. Piano wire may be involved.”
Quoth winced.
“Can I think about it?” I sank into the chair. Warmth from the fire rolled over my body, taking the edge off the sting of my discovery. I stretched my fingers around the rolled arms, breathing in the scent that rose off the leather. Heathcliff’s unique scent – a spicy musk tinged with peat and fresh moss of the moors. Heathcliff leaned his elbow on the mantle and fossecked around in a packet of cigarettes. Drawing one to his lips, he flipped open a lighter and lit up.
Morrie folded himself into his gaming chair and wheeled it across the room. Quoth didn’t approach, but I could still feel his strange eyes on the side of my face.
“You look like you’re carrying some mighty burden, gorgeous,” Morrie mused, resting his chin in his hand. “Allow us to unburden you.”
I glanced between their faces, the secret locking tight to my chest. Speaking it made it real, and if it was real I had to deal with it and I… I wasn’t ready. And yet… my tongue itched to speak. This secret had gnawed away on my insides for too long.
These guys weren’t my friends. I’d barely known them two days. One of them was my employer. If they fucked me about, I could cut and run. I’d probably have to leave ___field eventually, anyway – one of Mum’s crazy schemes would inevitably end up on the wrong side of the law, and if I stayed in my old room on the council estate much longer, I’d go insane.
I had an out, if I needed it. I could afford to trust them a little, couldn’t I?
My heart ached to trust someone again. I was sick of carrying this secret alone.
I opened my mouth, intending to give them a couple of sentences in summary. Instead, words spewed out. “I grew up here in ___field, but I spent my whole life wanting to escape. I can’t explain why, but people just never liked me. Kids at school bullied me because we were poor, because my mum’s weird, because I liked strange music and weird films and drawing pictures or writing stories instead of playing football. And because I read books, all the books, books way above my age level. As soon as I had my O levels, I booked my plane ticket out of here and I haven’t been back until now.”
“Why did you come back, gorgeous?” Morrie reached across and ran his fingers over my knuckles, rising the hairs on the back of my hand.
“Shhh, let her talk,” Heathcliff snapped.
“I’ve spent the last four years in New York City, finishing my fashion degree, and then working at this amazing internship with Marcus Ribald – he’s one of my favorite designers. I got to shadow him for a year, work on the collections, manage the shoots, basically be his personal dogsbody. It wasamazing. And what was even cooler was that my best friend, Ashley, was one of the other interns.”
“I have a deduction!” Morrie cried. “Ashley’s the girl who came into the shop yesterday.”
“How do you know a girl came into the shop yesterday?”
“Heathcliff told me. He’s a right gossip if you ply him with Scotch. I asked himall sortsof questions about your first day. What you did, how efficient you were, whether you bent over in that hot little skirt of yours—”
“Don’t be disgusting.” Heathcliff shot Morrie a look that could melt diamonds into mush. He rubbed his chin with his hand, and his dark eyes bore into mine. “This girlwasAshley.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah. She said she was visiting her family for the holidays. Ashley’s from ___field, too. We’ve been friends since secondary school. Ashley is…” I searched my head for a way to describe her. “She’s the life of the party. She’s hyper creative. She runs a million miles a minute and she’s always full of ideas. She says what she feels and she doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. When I hang out with her, I feel invincible. But she’s also shallow, and selfish, and ruthless when she wants something, or someone. She doesn’t see how her decisions step on other people. I thought I was different. She called me her best friend. I thought she cared about me enough not to crush me. I was wrong.
“There were four interns on the placement program, and we were all competing for one full-time position with Ribald’s studio. Not to sound like a snob, but I pretty much had that job in the bag. One of the girls shagged her way through the entire styling team, the other one was a kleptomaniac. Ashley’s competent, but disorganized, and she was spending too much time becoming a social media influencer to focus on Ribald’s work. On more than one occasion I had to save her arse before Marcus discovered a mistake she’d made.”
