“That deal was while we were afakecouple.” The agreement should have been off the table once we became official. “I still plan on telling them, just not right now. I couldn’t let what was actually a decent weekend end on a bad note.”
“Instead, you’ll give them false hope that you’ll put aside your passions to fulfill theirs.Tell me how that makes any kind of sense. There are going to be hurt feelings either way. At least here, you have them all in one spot so you can open up conversation. And I’m here to give you the support you need for it.”
“How will that be different once we’re home?” I don’t see the issue. Except maybe the fact I’m going back on my word twice. First to him, and then to my family once I come clean about my intentions.
Leave it to me to screw this up so badly because I don’t like confrontation. Well, unless it’s with Tristan, because he is the only person I trust to be on my side at the other end of the disagreement.
He shakes his head. “It wouldn’t be. I’d still have your back. But you won’t be able to move past everything until you talk it out with them. Here, you can say your piece at one time. When we’re back home…who knows when you’ll get everyone together in one place?”
He takes a step toward me, and I take a step back. He’s not wrong, and it’s infuriating. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? It’s a long drive, and I’m ready for bed.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond. I put the stuff in my hands in my suitcase and grab my jammies. The last hour has been mentally exhausting, and I don’t have it in me to keep going with this argument.
“Yeah, fine.” The defeat in his voice breaks my heart. He’s very much the type of person who wants to finish things. He doesn’t like things unresolved and out in the open. But I can’t give him that tonight.
With my clothes in hand, I walk around him to thedoor before pausing. I want to tell him I’m still all in with him. That the bullshit with my family is my burden to carry, and I want him there to support me at every stage. But, I don’t.
I turn the knob, make sure nobody is standing outside my door, and walk out of the room. I wouldn’t put it past my younger siblings to stand on the other side to see what is going on. They knew something was amiss when we all went to bed, since some of them know how I feel.
I take my time changing into my pajamas, anything to prolong going back into the room too quickly. Could I have changed in the room? Yes. Except I need some space right now and time to be alone with my thoughts. He wasn’t wrong with anything he said.
If I was a stronger person, I would have told my brother where to shove it and I wouldn’t be fighting with the person who now holds my heart. As much as I want to be this larger-than-life version of myself, it will take time. For now, I’m still the little sister getting pushed around by her big brother.
Deep breath in and out. It’s just one more night and then I won’t see everyone for a bit. I can think of how I’ll tell Pierce I’m not stepping up to work in the company. But right now, I need to make peace with the way I handled everything.
When I get back to the room, I don’t see Tristan in bed. Did he go outside for fresh air while I was in the bathroom? I move to my suitcase to add the clothes I changed out of to the pile.
That’s when I see the corner of the blanket on the floor. My steps are soft and slow as I move to the other side of the bed. Tristan has made his bed on the floor once again. I guess I upset him more than I thought.
Tiptoeing around to the other side of the bed, I slide under the comforter. It feels lonely without him snuggled up next to me. Who knew I could become comfortable sleeping beside someone in such a short amount of time?
I take a few moments to place some pillows on the side he occupied, trying to feel that peace I had. It doesn’t work. Cold pillows are nothing compared to a warm body. Turning away from the pillows, I’m now facing him.
The first night we stayed here, he faced me even though he was sleeping on the floor. Now, all I see is the blanket pulled up over his back. I can’t tell if he’s sleeping or not, but his breathing is even. Maybe I’m reading too much into this.
I know I’m not, though. Why else would he choose to sleep on the cold, hard floor? Slamming my eyes shut, I try to fall asleep, but it doesn’t stop my mind from spinning.
“Is everyone ready to go?” I hear mom call out from the hallway.
Shit. I didn’t realize I overslept. Now I can’t remember if I set the alarm on my phone. If I did, I sleptstraight through it. I jump out of bed and change clothes as fast as I can. It takes me a few moments to realize I’m alone in the room.
Turning around, I don’t see Tristan’s makeshift bed on the floor. The extra blanket is neatly folded and placed on the dresser. The pillows he used are stacked beside the bed. There was no good morning kiss or anything from him. His bag is also gone.
How hard was I sleeping? Hopefully, he didn’t decide he was done with me and leave with one of my siblings.
I shove my dirty clothes in my bag, grab my toothbrush and hurry to the bathroom. Luckily, it’s not occupied. I’ve never been late getting up for anything. Rushing around trying to get all the things done in a short amount of time isn’t fun, and I can’t do things like this again.
My siblings are bustling around in the main area of the beach house. I can hear them bickering while they gather the last of their things. At least I’m not the only one out of sorts this morning. The only thing left to do is pack my toothbrush and fold the comforter. I’m not even going to worry about my hair. A messy bun will suffice for the ride home.
When I get back to the room, the comforter is gone, and my suitcase is sitting on the bed waiting for any last additions. Even frustrated with me, Tristan takes care of me. I do not deserve him in my life.
I tuck my toothbrush into the side pocket and glance around the room one last time. Everything is exactly howit was when we came in that first night. He really thinks of everything. I sip up my suitcase and roll it behind me as I close the door. Even if things don’t work out between us, this trip will be my favorite one I’ve ever taken with my family.
CHAPTER TWENTY
tristan
The driveback to Asheville has been mostly silent. A few questions here and there, but Paula and I haven’t touched on what happened last night…between her brother or us. This feeling is completely different than how it was when we drove to the beach. That was peaceful and companionable. This time, there’s tension and uncertainty. It’s heavy, and I don’t like it.
