I smile, leaning up on my elbow so I can see his face. “This is one of the things I love about you, Royce. So much is still so black and white for you.”
He doesn’t outwardly react, but I can see the way his breathing shifts ever so slightly at the wordlove.I don’t correct myself because itissomething that I love about him.
It’s honest and true and I won’t lie about it, even if it’s something I won’t ever have.
Not with him.
“But—”
“Yes, she’d want to know.”
“But you’re not gonna tell her.” It’s a statement not a question.
“Not now.”
“Will you at least give me your phone so I can see what I can find? I can have any unknown messages forwarded to me.”
“You can do that?”
“There’s a lot I can do, Kins, and it’snotalways black and white.”
“Nessa would like you because she’d want to protect me too, but right now, it’s my turn to protect her. She’s living her dream, and it’s so much bigger than soccer. She deserves this happiness, Roy.”
“So let me protect you. And, what, you don’t deserve happiness?”
“I don’t know if that will ever be me,” I say, resting my head on the pillow next to him as he rolls onto his side to face me. “But this, right now,”—I tangle my fingers with his and rest our joined hands between us—“makes me happy, even if it’s temporary.” He sighs and I lean forward, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Don’t.”
“But what if we could make it work?” My heart aches in my chest becauseI wish that too.
“I’m not the girl you want to date, Roy. You’re never going to want to be in my world.”
You know that.
“For my sake or yours?” he asks, his tone hard.
Defensive.
And I can’t blame him.
Something shifted again after I came home from visiting my parents. Royce was attentive and sexy,thoughtful, and it was all too much to ignore. I leaned into it, into him, all the while knowing that we were destined to fall apart.
But the weeks since then have been incredible and deliciously filthy, Royce’s confidence shining through both in and out of the bedroom.
“I wouldn’t hide you; I would be proud to have you. But you would hate it.” I swallow hard, coming back to reality. “That’s not the life you want, so it can’t be the life with me.”
“So, we stick to the plan,” he murmurs, his voice sounding like he swallowed a handful of glass, and I nod, not trusting my own.
It hurts.
And because he feels it too, Royce crashes his mouth against mine, the sheet moving with him as he rolls on top of me. His muscles flex as he holds his weight off of me, but I want to feel it, want to lose myself in the way he worships me.
So tonight, I’ll let him make love to me, because nothing is guaranteed and our time is running out.
20
KINSLEY
“Oh, I wanted to see if that book I wanted is in,” Royce says and I laugh, leaning in to kiss his cheek.
