I cannot slow down. And I need to slow down for this girl.
But it’s like there’s lightning under my skin. I feel like my eyeballs are gonna pop out, all this blood inside my veins, this singing. Because I watch Amie as she lies beside me, and she’s so beautiful it hurts. The sheen on her skin, her dark hair rippling around her face, the luscious curve of her hip. Like she was that day by the river with the sun on us. I didn’t want to stop looking at her then, and I can’t stop touching her now.
Our hands move, our lips sink together, and it’s like I hear her voice again, sayingSo maybe it’s different then. And I’m thinking she was right, because this feels different. It feels sofull, so intense, so much like something I can’t really control. It’s like I have so much energy inside me, I have to push some of it out into the universe. When it’s just our skin together, I start shaking.
I have been around town, I have done this dance with girls before, but I feel like a beginner again now. We’re both just learning each other’s bodies. Amie touches her hand to my stomach, presses herself against me, kisses my neck, and I can’t even remember my own name.
I see stars. I’ve never seen stars before.
*
We end up having some of her nanna’s mango cup, but we share it. And we have it in bed, not out in the back garden.
Amie sits on the pillows behind me in her tank and undies, her arms draped over my shoulders. She passes me the cool glass, slippery with condensation from the ice-cubes, before running her fingers up and down my back.
I grin at her sideways. ‘You’re a bit in love with my tattoo, aren’t you?’
‘Mm.’ She slides her palm across the thick coils of the snake. ‘And it’s a good excuse to keep touching you.’
She leans forward and settles her cheek against the back of my neck, runs her fingers beneath my arms and onto my chest. Plays with the short hairs there. I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating on the glass. ‘Ah, that tickles. Amie, I’ll spill this…’
‘We’ve only got a few hours,’ she says sternly.
‘Lots we can do in a few hours.’
She rubs her hands lower, across my stomach, and I arch, my eyes flipping shut. Might be wiser if I just put the drink on the nightstand.
I turn in her arms. Cup the back of her head, tease my fingers through her hair. Pull her in, kiss her. Keep on kissing her, until my lips go numb and our breathing gets muddled together.
‘Jesus, I could do this all day’ I say finally, pulling away, gasping.
‘We don’t have all day.’ I think she learnt subtlety off her nanna.
I smile at her, then I go still. ‘Amie, you can have me all day, any day. Any time you want me, or need me. For any reason. Just call for me –’
‘Harris,’ she says softly.
‘I’m here.’ I peck her quickly on the lips, wondering if this is too soon. ‘I mean it. I’m yours. I never had this feeling before, like I’m…’
‘Puzzle pieces,’ she says, stroking my cheek. ‘We fit.’
She gets it, and it makes me glow.
‘Yeah.’ Maybe she can hear the relief in my voice. I can’t make myself disguise it. ‘In here…’ I trace a line across her forehead with my thumb. ‘And here…’ Run the tracing across her lips, down her throat. ‘And…here.’
My hand travels south, until my palm is resting on her breastbone. Her heart beats hard against the gentle pressure and her legs are tangled with mine. The look she gives me takes my breath away.
She touches my hand on her chest, pushes my hand slowly down her body. ‘I think you forgot a place.’
She smiles, and none of my fantasies have come close to this. I wanna give it back to her, some of this joy, cos that’s what it is – pure unadulterated joy. Even as I’m surprised I recognise it, I realise I’ve gotta share it or I’ll explode.
The beauty of it is, that’s something I know how to do. I flip our hands so it’s her own hand underneath, until she’s cupping between her legs with my fingers covering hers. The heat of her radiates through me. I watch her eyes go wide as she figures it out, then I lower my lips to her ear.
‘Show me,’ I whisper. ‘I want to know what you like.’
*
My T-shirt was behind the couch.
