‘Yeah, well…’ He purses his lips.
‘But you never fell for anyone.’
‘I fell for someone.’ He looks away. ‘She was involved with someone else.’
‘When has that ever stopped you?’
That surprises a laugh out of him. ‘Hey! Jesus, I’m not a complete hound.’ He looks at me, away. ‘I mean, I tried to tell her, but she just… She wasn’t interested.’
‘Are you talking about Rachel Watts?’
He shrugs. I get the impression the knock-back hurt, but he’s not going to moan about it.
‘Well, that’s news,’ I say.
‘What, that I fell for someone?’
‘Yeah. I always thought love ’em and leave ’em was your style.’
Both his eyebrows take a hike. ‘Mystyle? I have astyle?’
‘Around this district you do.’ I grin.
‘Jesus…’ He laughs. ‘But you, though. Eight months – phew. So you and Nick were serious?’
Which is a euphemism for sex, like sex is serious. I never got that. Sex has always been pretty fun, as far as I’m concerned, and I’m surprised Harris, of all people, would subscribe to a different philosophy.
‘I guess,’ I say. ‘But me and Nick were never completely…’ I sink back onto my elbows; I’ve tried to figure it out in my head before. ‘I mean, a relationship isn’t all breathy sighs and flowers, is it? It’s more how you fit together. Whether you get on. Make each other laugh – and think. Whether you can talk about stuff with each other. Genuine stuff.’
He considers that. ‘Whether you can both be your real selves with each other.’
‘Yes.’
‘But what if you’re not a good fit in bed?’
I shrug. ‘I think that’s part of it. If you’re a good fit in life, you’ll be a good fit physically.’
‘So you and Nick weren’t a good fit? On either level?’
‘No. I mean, Nick’s a great guy. We fit okay with some things, which is why we were together so long. But mostly we were just…’
‘Wrong pieces.’
‘What?’
‘Like in a jigsaw. Some pieces, they look like they should fit, but you get them together and they don’t.’
‘True.’
‘But the sex was okay?’
I laugh because I can feel my cheeks heating up again. The setting sun is striking us square on, so maybe that’s the warmth I’m feeling. ‘I can’t believe I’m talking about this with you… Yes. No. It was okay.’
‘Just okay?’ He makes the air quotes with his fingers.
I roll my eyes at him. ‘Well, I don’t have the vast range of experience you’ve had, so…’
He snorts and grins. ‘Trust me, if it’s good, you know.’
