Leon took my hand. “Let’s go see if the butterflies are still there.”
“Race ya,” I said and took off down the familiar path.
Once we reached the open meadow, past the tire swing, past the random green tent—the flaps were down and the zipper up—we slumped our shoulders in frustration. Our butterflies had vanished. But we stretched out our arms and turned circles anyway, pretending the monarchs were swarming around us. There was only one couple at the far end of the meadow, and they looked like they were asleep.
We fell onto the soft grass. This time we left no space between us, lying on our sides next to one another, our faces inches apart. Leon stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. “I can’t believe out of all the hundreds of thousands of people at this festival, I got to meet you.”
I didn’t know what to say. It was the loveliest thing anyone had ever told me.
He stared into my eyes as if he was peeking inside my soul. “Your eyes are so blue. They look like forget-me-nots.”
My breath hitched. “I love forget-me-nots,” I whispered, having never realized words could be so titillating.
“Will you forget me not?” he whispered back.
I gently shook my head. “I could never forget you.”
Entwining his fingers with mine, he raised my hand to his lips. One after the other he kissed each of my knuckles, slow and easy, as if he had a year to do it.
Sensations I didn’t know existed shot through me. They started as ripples, then exploded into waves. That ache between my legs spread through my body like wildfire. I liked it but was afraid of it at the same time. The stubble on his chin tickled as it brushed across my flesh. He kissed my forehead. Then my nose. And both of my cheeks. I felt his breath on my face. Breath from his beautiful face.
He kissed my ear, moving his tongue along the outside of the lobe. He learned the inside too. It was as if he wanted to know all of me. It made me yearn to know all of him. Softly, he placed his lips on top of mine. That wave in my stomach crashed against my ribs. I had to stifle an urge to gasp because his touch felt that good.
Leon rolled over on his back, pulling me along with him. My hair spilled across his face. With my hips on top of his, I could feel how much he wanted me. We rolled over, again and again, until we landed side by side. His hand slipped from my neck, then inched closer to my breast. At first, I was nervous. But remembering our tender conversations melted away my fears. He’d been understanding and kind.
I trusted him.
His lips swept across mine before he worked his way down my neck, pausing to taste every inch of my skin. Slowly he kissed my chest, following the gold chain to where my cross hung between my breasts. I felt him slip the first two buttons on my top through the holes. He pulled my new bra down, exposing my bareness to the warm breeze. My muscles tightened. I felt timid for him to see me; it was daylight. But the gentleness in his eyes helped me to let go.
While I watched his lips move slowly across each of my breasts, learning their curves, the blush of my nipples, my heart pounded against my chest. With jittery fingers I slid the next button of my blouse through its hole. His gaze traveled with my hands as I opened another. As my need for him to love me exploded, I thought about what it would be like. I’d dreamed about it for so long. Would it hurt? If so, could I do it? Would I even know how?
More than anything I wanted my first time to be with Leon. Here in the butterfly meadow. I had fallen deeply in love. I was sure of it.
The last button was through the hole when he pulled me up straight, guiding the pink top off my shoulders. He reached his hands behind my back, unhooking my bra. As it fell into my lap, my bashfulness returned. I crossed my arms over my chest, but he gently pulled them away. My body tingled as he peered at me, like I was pretty. Like I was Livy. “You are beautiful,” he said in a soft voice. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
I slowly shook my head.
He pulled his T-shirt over his head, then moved his lips toward mine. We reached for each other at the same time, falling back ontothe grass. His bare skin against mine felt better than anything I’d ever known. I nearly suffocated in anticipation of what would come next.
I heard him unzip his pants. Then felt him unzipping mine. Visions of our lovemaking danced through my mind, until Livy’s words stalled the fantasy.You may not want a boyfriend, but you’re on the pill, right?Our pants were at our knees when I whispered, “Are you gonna use a condom?”
With a sudden urgency he rolled away from me, covering his face with his hands. My heart sank, down into the depths of the earth. I felt the pounding. Heard the pounding. I placed my hand over my chest to somehow stop it, but it wouldn’t go away.
It seemed like ten minutes passed before he asked, “You’re not on the pill?”
I shook my head against the soft grass.
“Shit,” he blurted out, in a tone I didn’t recognize. He ran his fingers through his hair, sweeping it back from his forehead. “Sorry. I got carried away.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I whispered, dying to climb on top of him again.
Instead of answering, he pulled up his shorts and stayed two feet away, while my heart continued to hammer.Bam. Bam. Bam.
Pain punctured every pore on my body as I pulled up my jeans. I may as well have been lying on a bed of nails.
Our silence stretched into lethal awkwardness.
“Are you mad or something?” I said at last.
