“What? Say it.”
“I understand why you’re mad; I’m on your side. But who knows what war did to your dad? There’s no telling what he witnessed.”
I let his words sink in before answering. “I’ve never thought about that.”
“War changes people. It’s done it to my kid brother, and it’ll do it to Ron.”
Thinking about how Ron would have changed made my heart burn.
“Besides that, unforgiveness has a way of poisoningyou.” He tapped my chest. “It locks you in prison and throws away the key. I learned that the hard way. Johnny and I didn’t speak for a year.”
This surprised me. The two cousins seemed closer than brothers. “Why?”
“He totaled my car. It was an accident, but the way he handled it was shit.”
“What did he do?”
“It’s what he didn’t do. I’d saved for that thing since I was thirteen. He knew how much I dug it. One night, he begged me to loan it to him so he could impress this chick. So I loaned it. Gladly. But on his way home, he hit a fire hydrant. He’d had too much to drink. Messed the engine up so bad the car was toast. I was mad for a long, long time.”
“Were they okay?”
“Fine. No cops, no blood, no whiplash, no nothing. But they left my ride there and walked home. Johnny called me the next day to tell me he’d pay for the tow charge but didn’t have the dough to fix the car.”
“Why didn’t insurance cover it?”
He shook his head. “Johnny was driving. I didn’t realize I’d declined that coverage.”
“How did you forgive him?”
Leon rubbed the back of his neck, then met my gaze. “I chose to forgive him.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You make it sound easy.”
“It’s not easy. It’s a choice. Not an overnight choice—one you keep working on. Know what I mean?”
A big shrug was my answer to that.
“One night I was lying in my bed, so pissed off I couldn’t sleep. That’s when I realized I’d spent too many hours angry over something I couldn’t do a damn thing about. So I decided to take the high road. And forgive him. It took a long time. But I knew it’s what I needed to do.”
I just stared at him. Forgiving Dad would be a much bigger challenge than forgiving Johnny. It might have worked for him, but it would not work for me.
“You can’t let your dad ruin your life, Suzie.”
Visions of Dad breaking my records over his knee made me shudder. So did the ones of me holding the protest sign. “I know that,Leon. It just seems unfair that I have to forgive him when he’s the one who’s caused me all the pain.” My voice cracked. “He should be beggingmefor forgiveness. He’s said so many hateful things to me.”
“Come here.” Tenderness blazed in his eyes as he reached out.
Once I’d settled inside his arms, my blood flowed again. Thoughts of Dad had tightened my muscles into giant knots. But not as many as I had had from missing Leon.
He kissed the top of my head. “He might not ever do that. But like I said, forgiveness is for you. Soyoucan have peace. Not him.”
Pulling away, I looked him in the face. “Buthow? How do I do that?”
“Well, if it were me, I’d say a prayer to God for help, then make a choice not to let him ruin my life. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s the place where healing starts.”
No one had ever talked to me like that. I didn’t quite understand how it would work, but his words had softened the calluses on my heart. Maybe not a lot, but it was a start. “I guess I could try,” I said.
He smiled. “That’s all you can do.”
