Hearing that out of Aunt Fee’s mouth gives me a jump. She hasn’t brought that up in years. I feel my shoulders droop. “I’ve got all the children I can handle right here.” I say it like I mean it. And I do.
Auntie goes quiet. I watch her disappear into the walk-in, then bring back a large jar of chopped garlic. She dumps a few tablespoons into all three stockpots, stirs it in, then taps her spoon on the edge. “Sometimes I think about what your life would have been like today if you had been older when all that happened.”
A wave of sorrow catches in my throat like a vise, nearly strangling me. Then that permanently etched image of the sterile hospital room flashes across my mind. I don’t answer her right away. Instead I ruminate on things I shouldn’t. The hiss from the gas burners is the only sound in the room.
After an extra-long minute I say, “You know I don’t like to look backward. Mama always said, ‘things happen for a reason.’ If you think too much about that road you never took, it will make it impossible to enjoy the one you’re on.”
She closes her eyes. I can tell she’s regretting her comment. “You’re right, baby. Don’t listen to me.” Once a few seconds have passed she studies me again. “Every now and then I get that… what you call it? Stinkin’ thinkin’?”
“That’s it. And it can rot you to the bone.” I seize the chance to switch topics. Now it’s my turn. “How much longer do you intend to do this, Aunt Fee? You’re sixty-four years old.” The girls are always telling her she can’t ever quit. I heard one alum tell her she can’t retire till she’s a hundred. They can say it all they want, but this is a big job and the sorority is growing larger every year with more and more mouths to feed.
“You’re changin’ the subject.”
“Yes, ma’am, I am. But I want you to answer me.”
She stops what she’s doing and turns to face me. Her big ol’ eyes are seeing red. “How do you think I’m ever gone retire? Makin’ fourteen dollars an hour after thirty-two years. Shoot.”
“Social Security,” I say, watching my grits start to bubble.
“You know that ain’t enough. I caint ever retire. And neither can you if you keep working here.” Now I’ve got her all steamed up. But Aunt Fee’s been a working woman since she was twelve years old. I want to make sure she enjoys some time for herself on the back end.
“I’ll take care of you.”
This seems to quiet the waters. “I know you will, baby. But I ain’t gone be no burden to nobody. Especially you.”
While Mama was over to Mrs. McKinney’s working for her family of three kids, every waking hour of every day, not to mention every holiday, Fee was taking care of me. That’s back when she worked as a seamstress and an ironer out of her home, before she came over here. Mama would drop me off at her house, a few streets from ours, before she drove our old raggedy Plymouth over to Mrs. McKinney’s. Mama never meant for me to be raised by her sister, but she did what she had to do. My daddy wasn’t around.
Auntie has three sons, all older than me. Marvin lives in Chicago. He set out after high school and discovered big city life. Tony followed in his big brother’s footsteps. He said he wouldn’t come back to Oxford, Mississippi, if his life depended on it. But Leroy, he only moved as far as Memphis. He comes down here every now and then. But not as often as he should.
All three of those boys love their mama, but they don’t take care of her like a daughter would. Fee’s got six grandchildren, some of them girls, but they live up in Chicago. She goes up to see them in the summertime when she can. But that costs money she doesn’t have.
I sidle up next to her, put my arm around her thick waist. She’s nearly twice as big as I am. “Listen here.” I pull her chin around so she can see the seriousness in my eyes. “You would never be a burden. You understand me?”
“You are the sweetest child I know.” Aunt Fee’s eyes gloss over with tears. “I just want you to have a good life, baby. Find a man; get another job. Go back to college.” She wipes a tear away with the hem of her apron. Her voice is shaky. “You are my special daughter, the closest I ever got to one of my own. And a mother never wants her girl to be alone. Sometimes I can’t sleep for worryin’ ’bout you all by yourself in that apartment way out on the County Road, nobody to look after you. I ask the Lawd every night to protect you.”
“I’m fine, Aunt Fee. You should spend more time worrying about Tony. He’sthe one needing your prayers. That wife of his is the laziest woman I’ve ever seen—besides Kadeesha. She’d walk her dog while she was riding a scooter if she could get away with it.”
Auntie’s tears turn into tee-hees. “I know that’s right. Land sakes. Tony caint get her to work for nothin’. She acts like it’s her right to be a stay-at-home mama. I told her I worked the entire time I was raisin’ my boys—and you. I told her every other woman in our family had, too, as far back as I can remember.”
The swinging door squeaks and that cute little Brennen Davidson pokes her head inside. “Good morning, Miss Pearl. Oh hi, Miss Ophelia!”
“We’ll pick this discussion back up later,” I whisper. “Hello, Brennen. You’re up mighty early.”
“I’m going to work out.” She dashes over to the stove and gathers us into a group hug. “How was your summer?” Her eyes dart back and forth between us.
“Fine, baby. Yours?” The words tumble out of both of our mouths at the same time. It makes us all laugh.
Brennen grins. “I know you’re aunt and niece, but you sure act like mother and daughter.”
Auntie takes me by the hand. “I was just tellin’ her that this mornin’.”
“Aww. I wish my aunt was as sweet to me as you are to Miss Pearl.”
“What you mean? Come here dahlin’,” Fee says. “As sweet as you are?” She reaches out and envelops Brennen in her arms again. And they stay that way for what seems like a full minute. It’s hard to pull away when my auntie wraps you in one of her embraces. Her large cuddly body radiates warmth and it feels like you’re a cub in the arms of a mother bear. Who would want to break away from that? “Tell us what you want for breakfast this mornin’.”
Brennen pulls away. “Let’s see.” Her head bobs from side to side. “May I please have two egg whites with a side of fruit?”
“That all you want?” Aunt Fee asks. “No wonder your little arms look like toothpicks.” She laughs and nudges Brennen playfully. Even though she means it, she would never want to hurt her feelings.
