Sam and all the ways he was beautiful wasn’t some truth she had just stumbled upon when she had walked into the bar and looked at his back muscles.
He always had been.
She’d tried not to linger on it. Never to think about it. Fantasize about him. He was too important for that.
Nora had, historically, enjoyed some bad decisions. Sometimes the guy was hot even if he was temporary. Sometimes the drink looked good and the idea of getting high sounded like a relief, even if it wasn’t a great choice.
But Sam had never been one of her bad choices. He meant too much to her to be a mistake. That had been true since she was a teenager with no perspective, and it was even truer now.
She was married. He was her best friend. The person she needed more than anyone else to get through this.
It was just ... It was a no. She took a shuddering breath and put distance between them.
“Poor Soraya,” she said.
“Poor Soraya?”
“Yeah. Keep driving. We need to get to her house so we can help. She might be having a breakdown over which sourdough starter to bring. Though, she can probably bring as much of her sourdough starter as she wants.”
“Right.”
“You can start driving again.”
“Nora, we were talking aboutyou.”
“But I’m not the only one going through this. Daisy’s husband is marrying somebody else and ... I’m not the only one going through this. It sucks. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t. But it’s fine. I mean it. It’s mostly fine.”
“Your husband is cheating on you,” he said.
“I know. There’s nothing I can do about it. He’s half a world away.” She tried to take a breath, but it got stuck. “You’re not even going to say you told me so?”
“No. What kind of dick do you think I am?”
“Are you going to pretend you’renotone? That you’veneverbeen one?”
“No. But I’m also thirty-five, and I know how to choose my moments now. I’m not the same kid I was in high school.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I do. I do. Sam, you’re one of the most important people in my life. You’re the only person I’ve known for this long. Nobody else knows me likeyoudo. You actually saw what it looked like when my mom didn’t come. Or when my grandmother declined to take custody back. Don’t ever think that I don’t look at you and see the importance. There’s a reason we’re still in each other’s lives.”
“Yes, there is.” He sighed heavily and pulled his truck back onto the road. “I’m not going to say I told you so, because in all honesty, Nora, I wanted this to work for you. Hell, I wanted to believe it was possible, you know? Forever. Even for someone like us. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“I know you didn’t want me to get hurt.”
“Ireallydidn’t,” he said, something firm and certain in his voice. “I really, really didn’t. I wanted it to be forever, so you could have that. I wanted the same thing you did. I wanted you to have normal and safe and good and ...”
“But you didn’t want it for yourself?”
“No. It mattered to you. I wanted you to have whatever you wanted.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. What about whatyouwant?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s bullshit. It does matter. You’re so stable, you know? That’s why it surprises me that you don’t want a relationship or anything. I mean, you’ve got such a good job.”
