“That isn’t fair. We were married for twelve years, and I kept my vows for a long time. Don’t act like you didn’t have anything to do with the state of our marriage.”
“What was the state of our marriage? Enlighten me.Communicatewith me. Because that’s one thing you never did, Jonathan. You never told me what was going on with you. I thought everything was fine,” she said, her voice breaking. “If I didn’t ... cook for you enough, orclean for you enough, or fuck you enough, I would never have known because you didn’t tell me.”
He turned his head away, like even he couldn’t bear looking her in the eye now. “Don’t play the victim.”
“Iamthe victim. I am the victim of your endless bullshit. You can ... you can go. We don’t need to talk. We don’t need to rehash this. You’re marrying her.Great.You don’t know the name of your kids’ pediatrician or their teachers. You don’t know what time they eat dinner. You won’t be here to tuck them in every night. You sugared them up like a fun uncle instead of their dad and dropped them off with me. I quit.” She looked him dead in the face. “Everything.I quit, and I hope you get everything you deserve.”
She turned on her heel and went back into the house, slamming the door behind her. She turned the lock, and when she heard him knock once behind her, she realized he still had a key. She braced herself for him to use it. Part of her wished she had stayed outside and fought with him just to see if she could tempt him into it. To see if she could entice him into a screaming match, because God knew it would be fun. Because he always tried to pretend he was the reasonable one. He always tried to act like he was the one holding everything together and she was the one letting their life fall apart like he hadn’t torn down their marriage. Like that hadn’t been everything.
It would be fun to see if she could make it so he couldn’t pretend to be rational anymore.
He didn’t use the key. He didn’t knock again. That was Jonathan all over. He just didn’t care enough. He never would.
He was never going to give her what she wanted. What she needed. He was never going to love her like she’d loved him. That was the bottom line. He didn’t love their life.
“I hope you get everything you deserve,” she whispered.
She thought about the spell bag she had burned, that she had committed to ash. She was going to do that spell again, but this time, she meant it, in every dark way possible.
She reached into her purse and took out her tarot cards, taking the lid off and revealing the Fool.
A man, walking, heedless of the world around him, careless, unconcerned.
She picked the card up and looked at the image, not breaking her focus.
“Jonathan McNamara,” she said in the silence of the room. “What you have sown, that will you also reap.”
Chapter Thirteen
Nora
By the light of the truth, may the shadow of deceit be unveiled.
—A spell for exposing lies
Do you want to go out?
Nora looked down at her phone just as she sat down on the couch. She didn’t really want to go out. She wanted to curl up at home. She felt foolish and drained and, genuinely, dealing with Sam on the heels of giving in to doing that love spell felt a little bit ... eh.
She was afraid he would be able to see it on her. Her foolish hope.
He was the only person who really knew her. Who really knew how sad her life was. Who really knew all the dark truths she tried to keep tucked away.
He knew about her disastrous hope. Her optimism in the face of everything, and the real issue was he was the only one who knew how silly it was.
So did she want to see Sam? Absolutely. Because the alternative was staying in her empty house, and she didn’t really want to do that either.
“Hey,” she said, opting to pick up the phone and call him.
“I’m at Trigger’s.”
“You got started drinking without me and you need a designated driver?”
“I’m not drinking. I was going to order a cheeseburger, and I was hoping that maybe you would be off work and you can tell me about your new job.”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
Trigger’s was only a five-minute drive from her house, though she felt persecuted putting pants with a firm waistband and shoes back on to get in the car again. The theater company hadn’t opened for the season yet—when it did, it would be busy in town most nights—but until then, it would remain relatively quiet. It was a Wednesday night, so there would be some church traffic at the restaurants, but of course not at the bars.
