She could see back to that afternoon when they had sat down with the Ouija board. She’d bought it at a yard sale for twenty-five cents, and they had taken it out back at their foster parents’ place and sat cross-legged in the barn, the summer heat oppressive, the air thick around them. He had put his hands on one side of the divining tool, and she had put hers on the other.
They had messed around with a few questions, but nothing had happened. She’d felt embarrassed and a little vulnerable asking what she really wanted to know with Sam, intense and very Sam, sitting across from her.
She’d gotten the board because she wanted ...
This was one of the better foster homes she’d ever lived in. Sam was the best foster brother—she’d been in the same household with him a couple of times. It was a small town, and the kids like them shot around like pinballs, sometimes landing in the same place together more than once.
She liked him. She liked this place. It was a ranch, and there was a lot of open space. She could breathe here and think. Mark and Tabitha were nice people who seemed to care about the kids they took in. They didn’t proselytize to them, and they weren’t crazy strict. If she could have picked a family, it might have been something like this.
It made her wonder if she’d ever have one.
“Will I ever find love?”
It moved then.Y. E. S.
“You’re moving it,” she said, her heart hammering hard.
“No, I’m not,” he said.
She was suddenly angry. Which happened more than she’d like. She’d be fine, totally fine, and then her whole face and body would get hot, and she’d lose control of her heart, her hands, her mouth. She leaned forward and punched Sam on the shoulder.
“Sam, don’t mess around with me. Don’t mess with this.”
“I’m not. I don’t give a fuck if anybody ever loves you, Nora.” He stood up and brushed his jeans off. “You’re too big of a pain in the ass anyway.”
He kicked the board and walked away.
She could still see it. She’d been sure she and Sam wouldn’t be friends after that. But they were. They stayed in that same house for six more months, and they’d been friends for twenty years since.
But she’d been pissed off at him for a week after that.
They could say anything to each other, though. That was what this many years of friendship got you. That and an on-call electrician.
“So, when he gets back, everything is going to be like it was?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
She didn’t even like to admit it to herself.
But he’d asked, and she found she couldn’t keep putting on that same brave face.
“You weren’t having any other problems?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I just ... When I can talk to him, then I can talk about it, but I’m not going to talk about it with you.”
He tilted his chin upward, his jaw tight. “Okay. I was just asking. Because I’m your friend.”
“I know.”
He was. Always. But he wasn’t her friend in the way the board-game friends were. The people who came over, couples, who had dinner with them at their house. He was distinctly her friend, and not Ben’s.
“Good night, Nora.”
“Sam, I’m sorry. This is ... It has been a hard few weeks.”
“Yeah. It sounds like it. I wish you would’ve told me.”
“I told you tonight. Because it was when I could.”
