“I can’t afford living in your place.”
“You don’t have to. That’s the point. It’s free.”
“Respectfully, Grant, it’s not. Nothing is free. At some point you’re going to ask me for something in exchange.” It was my bad experience talking, and I knew he was just trying to be helpful, but my hackles were so high I couldn’t see past them. “And even if you don’t ask me for anything, there’d still be a power shift between us. One I’ll never agree to.”
Silence, bricked up and impenetrable, fell between us.
“Who did this to you?” He scanned my face, voice sad and soft as a feather. “Why do you look at relationships as a currency? A quid pro quo exchange? You know, I’m a firm believer that people should live their lives however they see fit, but in this case, I might need to put my foot down. You can’t live your life teaching our kid that they need to work to earn their place in their loved ones’ lives. Kindness is not conditional, and family takes care of each other. You don’thaveto move in here, but if your reason for not moving here is because you think I’d hold it against you in any way, let me prove you wrong. Try me, Layla. Move in. You can change the entire apartment. Throw loud parties. I’m not going to be here eighty percent of the time—and you’re not going to feel indebted to me in any way. Know why?”
He gathered my arms and looked me in the eyes. I couldn’t breathe, let alone blink.
“Because your so-called payment is the fact that you are going to birth, love, and raise the most important person in my life. If that’s not compensation enough, I don’t know what is.”
My instincts screamed at me to say no, but there was something inside me—someone—the girl I was before Connorbroke me, who wanted to put her faith in another human. To try again. To evolve. Even if it was going to hurt.
Besides, he’d made some solid points.
Grant’s place wasinsaneby New York standards. The location was mouthwatering. I’d live in walking distance of work, my gym, and my favorite supermarket. But mainly, I thought this was a good idea because I knew Grant was going to visit New York to see the baby as much as he could, and I wanted to make things easier for him too.
“I really appreciate the offer,” I said evenly. “But if you’re making it just because you feel likeyouowemesomething, please don’t. I promise you, I’ve got this.”
He shook his head. Neither of us touched the curry anymore. “I’m offering you this because I think it’d make both of us very happy, and the baby too. Your parents will be able to come and go as much as they please. I already informed my boss at the new clinic that I’ll be in New York Friday evenings through Sunday nights every weekend to spend time with my child. So this will be convenient for everyone. I mean, Ithink. You tell me what you prefer. I’ll follow your lead here.”
His expression was painfully earnest. I’d spent the last few weeks obsessing over Jessica, and how much I didn’t want Grant to leave, and the fact that I actually did not think about Connor and Kellianne at all. Maybe all I needed to cleanse my ex out of my life was just one great, female-rage moment. Because no matter how much I tried to cling to the hang-ups Connor had instilled in me, I wanted to make the same mistakes again with Grant, this time expecting different outcomes.
“I’ll move in,” I said. I couldn’t believe I was doing this.Again.
“Yeah?” Grant’s lips pulled into a tentative smile.
“Yeah.”
“This month?” he asked hopefully. “It’d be good to practice living together for the time we’ll spend on the weekends. Plus, we’ll have time to set up yours and the baby’s rooms.”
I searched his face for worry or doubt, and found neither. Grant had been a soundboard for me to lean on ever since I’d sprung this pregnancy on him. He came to my doctor’s appointments and attended my scans, and he’d been nothing but understanding when I told him I wanted to wait until birth to find out the baby’s sex. Heck, he didn’t even flinch when I announced I wanted to name the baby Phyllis if she was a girl. He called itcharmingly vintage. Let’s be clear here—it was an atrocious name. I only wanted to see how far his good nature would go.
“Sure. I’ll let my landlord know.” I picked up my curry bowl, then put it back on the table again. I wasn’t hungry. Not because I was nervous but, I realized, because I wasexcited.
Actually, now that I thought about it, it was entirely possible this was the reason I hadn’t been angry my entire first trimester. Not because of the pregnancy itself, but because of what it meant.
Grant’s time, and attention, and coddling.
I’d suddenly become the center of his universe, and I realized this was my comfort zone. But that only meant I’d have to work extra hard on guarding my feelings. Women like Jessica didn’t evaporate to make room for the competition.
“Just so you know, I collect candles,” I said.
“I love candles.”
“And plants. Lots and lots of plants.”
“Big fan of oxygen.”
“I sing when I shower.”
“I love music.”
“I’m not very good at it.”
“In that case, I have good earplugs.”
