Which is a good thing, Layla. You changed a phase. You’re no longer fuck buddies. To keep this healthy and constructive, all you’ll ever be is coparents.
“Every morning,” I confirmed. “Before I hop into the shower. My body is like clockwork.Was, anyway.”
“Have you tried laxatives?”
“Yes. And oatmeal. And prune juice. Nothing works.”
“I’ll prescribe you something stronger if your ob-gyn budges on it.” He jerked his chin with a nod.
“I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.” I put a hand to my heart as the elevator door opened. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a lie.
“I don’t know if I should be mad or not that the bar is this low.” Grant flashed me a teasing smirk. “Less work for me; then again, fuck those other dudes for not trying their hardest.”
I thought back to when Grant had asked me to marry him. The truth was, I was 89 percent sure it wasn’t a joke. He’d really meant it. But just as I was sure that he was serious, I was also sure it had come from a place of wanting to do the right thing. He was the kind of guy who dedicated his life to helping others. He always did the right thing.
After I’d filled out two trees’ worth of paperwork at the reception area and peed into a cup, Grant and I were ushered into an examination room. The room was cold and dark, and there was a flat-screen LED TV connected to an ultrasound machine. A nurse took my vitals and weight, then finally, Dr. Horwitz walked in.
“Hello, Ms. Schmi ... Dr. Gerwig!” she exclaimed.
She and Grant apparently knew each other from med school. There were hugs and a what-a-small-world conversation before she remembered I was there, mostly naked, with a bare-assed, overbleached robe. Then we dove into another session of my telling her how I felt, when was the last time we had sex, etc. If Dr. Horwitz was surprised to learn I was pregnant with Grant’s baby, she didn’t show it. She knew I was single from my annual Pap smears. We discussed our mutual dissatisfaction with the New York dating pool often.
“So, are we ready to see your baby?” She clapped her hands excitedly.
“Ready since I was about eighteen.” Grant grinned.
“You knew you wanted kids even as a teenager?” I whipped my head to look at him from the examination table. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“Yeah.” Pink tinted Grant’s chiseled cheekbones. “I have three siblings. I always thought I’d go the pediatric route, actually. For med school.”
I didn’t know that about him. All I knew was that back in the day, he seemed very serious and marriage oriented, which was why I’d broken things off with him. But after we’d reconnected and started sleeping together, he didn’t give me serious vibes anymore. I had assumed he’d changed gears as his career became more demanding.
“What made you choose oncology, then?” I frowned.
“I lost my grandpa to cancer when I did my undergrad degree,” he explained. “Colon. It was fast. Two weeks. He helped raise my siblings and me, since our parents had very demanding careers, also as doctors. It changed the fabric of who I was. My entire personality.”
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out, realizing for the first time that there was so much I didn’t know about this man, and how badly I wanted to get to know him.
I’d always wanted to get to know him better. To learn every nook and cranny in his soul. But it was easier not to when I could keep him at arm’s length. Now that we were embarking on this journey, I could no longer run away from catching feelings toward him. Could no longer hide.
I was in deep, deep trouble.
Dr. Horwitz squirted gel onto a dildo-like white machine covered by a nylon bag and pressed a hand to my flat tummy. “At this stage, we’ll likely only see the gestational sac, so this is going to have to be vaginal.”
Great. Another humbling moment in my new and evolving relationship with Grant. Even though I was a fanof having things put inside my vagina when he was around, getting that stick fully into me until she had a close-up shot of my uterus was not a great feeling.
The fizzy black screen in front of us came to life. Everyone’s eyes were glued to it.
Grant’s hand found mine, and he laced his fingers around my own. The butterflies in my stomach nearly ripped my stomach in half.
“This okay?” he mouthed to me.
I nodded quickly and averted my gaze back to the screen so he wouldn’t see my eyes glittering.
And then we saw ... nothing.
There truly was a whole lot of nothingness on the screen. Just black fuzzy stuff with a white unclear round thing in the middle. Inside it, a small dot swam around like it was being chased by sharks.
“There it is!” Dr. Horwitz announced. “Let’s see if we can find that heartbeat, shall we?”
