“And he makes me be very careful with her records and record player because it’s important to her, he said.”
“Wow.” Georgia’s smile turns curious and soft.
“Anyone would do that.” I keep my eyes forward.
I don’t let any of Bea’s words mean anything. Thankfully, Hazel stands to get another pretzel and Bea begs to go with her.
“So,” Georgia says the second they’re out of earshot.
“When’s the wedding?” Darcy teases.
“You used to be so quiet,” I tell her with mock disappointment. “What happened?”
“You found me an awesome co-op student and I learned that you’re secretly nice,” she says.
My heart does a warm, happy hop.
“Have you and Tate slept together yet?” Georgia prompts, right to the point.
“No,” I rush out. “I mean, not really.”
They raise their eyebrows.
“We haven’t.”
Pippa leans in. “Are you talking about?—”
“Jordan banging Daddy Ward,” Georgia fills in.
A strangled noise slips out of me. My face is probably beet red. “Keep your voice down.” I glance at the guys behind us, who aren’t listening. “No one is banging. Or getting banged.”
I wish.
“It’s nothing serious,” I tell them.
Georgia gives me a patient look. “Would something serious be the worst thing in the world?”
No. It wouldn’t. It would actually be incredible, if I let myself picture it. Sleeping in his bed every night. Laughing as he pretends not to be afraid during scary movies. More of those quiet conversations where we talk about the real stuff, the stuff we don’t tell anyone else, like at the Italian restaurant. Him smiling at me like he believes in me and loves being right. Waking up tucked against him like the other morning.
“We’re just...” I force the words out even though they don’t sound quite right. “Having fun. Keeping it casual.” I hesitate. “Please don’t say anything to Bea. We don’t want her to be disappointed.”
When it’s all over, I don’t say.
For the millionth time, I replay what Tate asked me a month ago.Do you want kids?
No. I don’t. Right? I always said I didn’t. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to have a baby.
A kid, though. That’s different. Bea’s a full person, with thoughts and opinions and jokes and dreams.
What would that be like, to be part of her life as she grows up? Watching her become a teenager, and then an adult. Seeing the incredible person she’s bound to become.
A powerful sense of longing expands through my chest, moving up my throat.
That would be just about the best thing I could imagine, being part of Tate and Bea’s life forever. One word appears, the word that washes away all the loneliness I’ve been experiencing since my mom passed.
Family.
If it doesn’t work out, though, it’ll hurt so much more, knowing I disappointed Bea, too. Knowing what I had and lost.
