I don’t even—what? “Why do you ask?”
“I heard Mom telling Jeff you’re going to die alone.”
I smile, holding back a sigh. Holly and her husband, Jeff, are deeply in love and believe everyone else should be, too, even those of us who don’t have the time or energy for dating.
“I won’t let you die alone, Dad.” She gives me a worried look. “I’ll be with you. I’ll hold your hand as you stop breathing.”
This is getting morbid. “Bee, I’m not going to die alone.”
Based on how nonexistent my dating life has been since Bea entered the picture, yes, I will probably die alone.
Her mouth twists to the side. “But you don’t have anyone.”
“I have you, I have the hockey team.” I give her a reassuring smile. “Lots of people are very happy without a romantic relationship. And I’d rather spend my free time with you.”
With my demanding, travel-heavy schedule during the hockey season, I already carry enough guilt about not being around for Bea. These are formative years for her, and I can’t afford to give away any more of my time.
If the team changes owners, though, I might have a lot more time on my hands.
“What constellations can you see?” I ask her, changing the subject.
She shrugs.
“Do you see the Big Dipper?” I prompt.
“That one’s easy.”
I chuckle. “Do you have any birthday parties coming up for kids at school?”
Bea doesn’t have a ton of friends, something Holly and Jeff and I have discussed with concern. She spends a lot of time alone, reading.
She makes a noncommittal noise. “No.” A pause. “If you got a girlfriend, would she be nice?”
My distraction didn’t work. “Sweetheart, I’m not getting a girlfriend anytime soon.”
“But would she be nice?”
Jordan Hathaway flashes into my head, aloof expression and sharp tongue. Every time I think about her unrolling the toilet paper for my autograph, I feel like laughing. Regardless, she’s the type of person I would never bring home to Bea.
“Of course she would be nice. I would never be with someone who isn’t nice.”
What would it be like, to have someone to share my life with? To have a third person around when I’m with Bea? I can’t even imagine.
Besides, I’m not going to take the risk of Bea getting attached to someone and their breaking her heart. I watched my father do that to Mom and Noah again and again, and I would die before I let someone hurt Bea.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asks.
Good, so we’re still on this topic.
“I loveyou,” I tell her and she makes a face. “Does that count?”
“No,” she says with a flat tone, and I turn away so she doesn’t see me laugh.
“Do you have a crush on someone at school, Bee?”
“This is about you,” she says with raised eyebrows, and now I really am smiling. “And no, I don’t. Mom says you never do anything for yourself.”
My smile fades. I’m busy, sure. But I have an amazing daughter, the career of my dreams, a beautiful house in the woods, and enough money to take care of Bea for the rest of her life. I don’t need anything or anyone else.
