“I'd still kill them.” He doesn't even think about it before he answers. He does pause a second, though, before adding, “After you finish, of course.”
I'm probably supposed to be angry about that. It feels like that should be the normal reaction to have. But since I woke up here the first time, I haven't felt quite normal. I think something broke in me long ago.
I cracked, splintered, but was held into place by the cage I put myself so tightly inside of. The cage of normalcy, of pretending that I was okay when I haven't been for most of my life.
Exhaustion pulls at me again, beckoning me to go back to sleep.
“Did you drug me?” I ask, my tongue feeling too heavy to make the words sound right.
“Yeah, baby. I’m sorry about that. It was just a small dose… just enough to get you home. I didn’t want you to see.”
“See what?” I yawn, my brain feeling fuzzy.
“He came on your stomach, your tits. I didn’t want you to have to see it, to feel it, to be stuck feeling it on you until we got home to wash it off. I dosed you a little, wiped you off, and then brought you home for a bath.”
That explains why my hair is wet. He bathed me. I know he did it after he first got me, but our dollification has been confined specifically to the bedroom or basement. The fact that he took care of me enough to bathe me feels tender, somehow more intimate than anything we’ve done.
I smile at the comfort blanketing me. I’d been so scared when I recognized those voices earlier, when I thought they’d recognize me. Now it all feels distant, like a bad dream. All that matters at this exact moment is the peace, the serenity.
Cal’s drug pulls at me, seduces me with its promise to take away all the bad. That combined with him? It’s a powerful combination.
“Did you fuck me yet?”
“No.” He says quietly. “It didn’t feel right.”
“Then do it now.” I sigh contentedly. The remnants of whatever drug he gave me are in my veins, warm and cozy.
The anxiety over my run-in with the men from earlier is gone, and all I have right now is desire. Desire to be loved, to be fucked, to be held, to fall asleep in his arms.
My fiancé.
What we did tonight was reckless, but now that we’re on the other side of it, I feel calm. I don’t think it’s just the drugs talking, either.
I trusted Cal with the ultimate responsibility… to care for me when I couldn’t be present to look out for myself.
His lips capture mine in a soft kiss that’s slow and sweet and full of nothing but devotion.
Love.
Bliss.
I think about saying it.
It’s right there on the tip of my tongue, to tell him I love him.
But by the time his lips move downward and mine are free to form words, the darkness is tugging me gently back into it.
This time, I surrender easily because I know when I’m asleep, he’ll keep me safe.
35
Cal
I’m helpless to give my wife everything she wants. It’s why we’re committing, why I left her barely clothed, tied up in an abandoned warehouse half an hour outside the city limits. I scoped the place out for a filming location a few years ago, and while the script that the film was tied to has been in limbo due to the writer’s strike and financing issues, I kept the location in mind.
It’s secluded, set back from the road, and the only other business in the area is a fishing shack that sells bait and tackle for those who wish to go fishing on the lake buried at the back corner of the property.
I despise leaving her there, vulnerable. My head fills with a million horrors, all the ways that this idea can go wrong before we even set the plan into motion.
