“I know. I mean—” I gestured vaguely, encompassing the apartment, the city, my body. “Everything feels … louder.”
His gaze softened. “Adrenaline.”
“And something else,” I said before I could stop myself.
He didn’t deny it.
I turned toward the window, pressing my palm against the glass like I could anchor myself to something solid. My reflection stared back—eyes too bright, mouth slightly parted, a woman who looked like she was standing at the edge of a decision she’d been rehearsing for years.
Amaya’s voice slid into my mind, uninvited.
You learned how to want quietly.
I swallowed.
I hadn’t realized how deeply that lesson had settled until now. How often I’d mistaken restraint for maturity. Silence for safety. Almost for enough.
I turned back to Connor.
“You scare me,” I said honestly.
His jaw tightened. “That’s not my intention.”
“I know.” I took a breath. “You scare me because I want you. And I don’t feel small when I do.”
Something in his expression shifted—like I’d hit a nerve.
He took a step closer. “Mila?—”
“Let me finish,” I said, my voice trembling despite myself. “I spent a long time thinking desire was something you endured. Something you rationed. Something that meant you’d already lost control.”
I laughed softly, humorless. “Turns out, I was just letting the wrong people define the rules.”
The air between us thickened.
Connor stopped an arm’s length away. His hands stayed at his sides. The restraint in that alone made my thighs tighten.
“I don’t want to do this the way I’ve done it before,” I said. “I don’t want to disappear into someone else’s authority. I don’t want to be chosen quietly and kept carefully out of sight.”
His eyes held mine, unblinking. “And what do you want?”
I surprised myself by answering without hesitation.
“I want to be seen,” I said. “On my terms.”
A beat passed.
Then another.
Connor exhaled slowly, like he was bracing himself. “Then don’t give me power you’re not ready to take back.”
The words hit me hard.
My pulse skidded.
I reached for my camera.
The movement was instinctive, but not unconscious. I lifted it, feeling the familiar weight settle into my hands, the way it always centered me.
