And then there was Connor, who made my failures feel … different.
Because in my head, he was the opposite of fumbling. He was control made flesh. The kind of man who probably spoke French without effort. The kind of man who knew the rules in rooms I didn’t even know existed.
It made my stomach dip.
It also made my mouth go dry.
I stopped by the river, leaning against the stone embankment, and ate the eclair slowly. Chocolate and cream and something almost sinful. I licked a smear of chocolate from my thumb without thinking and immediately felt ridiculous, like the act had been too intimate in public.
I glanced around.
No one was looking at me.
The city continued around me.
Still, I found myself imagining Connor watching. Not from across the street, necessarily—just the idea of his eyes on me, measuring, intent.
I hated that the thought made me warmer.
I hated it even more that I didn’t actually want to stop thinking about him.
On my way back to the apartment, I caught my reflection in a shop window and paused. Dark hair, slightly wind-tangled. Eyes too alert. Mouth soft from sugar.
I looked like myself. And also like someone who was becoming something else.
Later, my phone buzzed with a message from the residency group chat—Amaya posting a link to a small gallery opening. Luc replying with a single shrug emoji. Someone else offering to go as a group.
I stared at the screen, thumb hovering.
An invitation.
Élodie’s voice slid into my mind, calm and merciless:You follow the invitation. You see who’s watching.
I didn’t know if Connor would be there. I didn’t even know if I wanted him to be.
That was the lie.
Of course, I wanted him to be there.
I typed a brief response—I can come—and hit send before I could talk myself out of it.
Then I set my phone down and stood in the middle of my apartment, suddenly too awake, too aware of my own body, of my breath, of the quiet space around me.
Paris didn’t make promises. It didn’t offer safety gently.
But it did offer possibility.
And apparently, so did men like Connor Ward.
I wasn’t sure which one would ruin me first.
5
CONNOR
Ihadn't slept.
Not a single hour. Not even close.
