“Fuck you,” I say, laughing. “It was an attempt at fixing some shit.”
He frowns.
“There’s a lotta shit you don’t know.”
“I’m here, man. Gon’ head and get it out. Seems like you’re holding onto a lot.”
I stare at the green from my seat in the golf cart. “Yeah. I don’t even know where to start.”
So I start at the beginning. My sister’s comment. Raya stalking her, then me. My stint as a peeping Tom. The lies. Veronica. My dad.
“Fuck.” He scrubs a hand down his face once I finish. “Yo, you alright?”
“I think so.”
“That’s wild as fuck, bruh. I don’t even know what to say.”
I shrug. “I can't explain it. Sometimes it feels like me and her are locked in a world by ourselves. I like it in there, don’t get me wrong. But then somebody from the outside comes around and I see all this shit through their eyes. That’s when I get to questioning shit.”
“Shit like…”
“Like, is this normal?”
“You already know it ain’t normal or you wouldn't be in marriage counseling."
"Well, we got fired, but yeah.”
He gets a hearty belly laugh off that.
“Sometimes I think, can I do this…for the rest of my life? My body says yes—“
“Oh, I bet.”
I nod. “My head, though.”
“Okay. What doyouwant?”
“It’s funny, because on the first day of counseling, Raya said she wants us both to be comfortable with the relationshipand with ourselves. So I guess I wanna be comfortable with this. Committing was the easy part. Making peace with what I committed to is what’s got me fucked up.”
“Well, first of all, I just gotta say I’m probably the wrong person to talk to about this. Because having a bitch stalk me, hunt me down, and conquer me sounds like the shit dreams are made of. Or porn.”
“Watch out.”
He laughs. “I told you early. You probably don’t even remember. I told you you ain’t built for a woman like that.”
“Yeah, I remember. And that’s the other thing.”
His eyebrows lift.
“I ain’t no angel, man. I done did some shit that…” I trail off, choosing my words carefully. “I could go to jail, nigga.”
“Yeah, don’t do that.”
“The therapist called me abusive.”
“Wait. Hold up. You put your hands on her?”
“Nah. Never that.”
