“Right, but because of the lack of trust in our relationship, I thought she sent it on purpose. Thatissomething she would do, plus there’s already a history there with her and my father.”
Dr. Williams looks back and forth between us. “What?”
Raya chuckles. “Not full on sex. Just kissing, which I didn’t initiate.”
“You invited him to the house, though.”
“Let’s not get bogged down in the details, babe.”
"And you threatened to fuck him. And my friends. And my brother-in-law. And some Only Fans model. So—"
"That was just to torture you. Obviously."
I look at her sideways. "I don't know how obvious it is given the fact you said you were dead serious."
"Ace. Raya. Please. Can we get back to—"
"My bad," I say. "So like I was saying, the pill thing was after the sex tape and after she stalked my coworker. Like I said, I know how it sounds, but I swear, I wasn’t trying to hurt her.”
“Okay, let’s—“
“Sorry to cut you off, Doc, but I put in my history section that I lost a child before. Did you see that?”
She nods.
“Every time she threatens to kill the baby, it triggers the hell out of me.”
Her eyes widen in terror. “Every time she what?”
“Yeah, she says she ain’t havin’ it. And for me, after experiencing the death of my son, it feels like she’s stabbing me in my fucking heart when she says it.”
“Uh, hello? That’s the whole point, Ace! I’m trying to hurt you like you hurt me.”
“Mission accomplished, babe.”
Raya goes quiet as if the idea of me being hurt is separate from her doing shit to hurt me.
When my eyes finally shift back to Dr. Williams, her head is down, and her hand is over her eyes. Raya and I exchange a look of worry. Doc seems like she's in distress.
“Doc? You good?”
She takes a few deep breaths and shakes her head. “I…um…” she clears her throat, straightens her back, and looks directly at us. “This dynamic is not healthy. It’s—well, to be frank, it’s a toxic feedback loop.”
“Meaning?”
Her eyes cut to Raya. “It sounds like when one of you feels unsafe, you do something drastic to regain control, which then sends the other person spiraling to regain their sense of control. It keeps going around and around and you're not making progress, you're just hurting each other.”
She blows out a breath. “Frankly, I don’t think I can continue seeing you. At least not this version of you. Both of you need serious individual therapy that focuses on impulse control and accountability. The issues here are…” she trails off, shaking her head. “Your dynamic is abusive.”
“That’s a strong word," I say.
“It’s accurate,” she insists. “And you’re both complicit.”
Raya folds her arms in front of her. “So you’re basically firing us?”
“I’m telling you I can’t continue couples therapy while this dynamic is active and being defended. That would be collusion, and I ain’t doin’ it.”
I chuckle at the last part. We’re that bad that she has to code switch to get us to understand?
