God, my man is so good at this. I still can’t believe there was a time I didn’t enjoy this.
I’ve come so far. Ace has brought me so far. I guess that should count for something. Not enough to forgive him for this, but enough to maybe not commit murder-suicide.
I open my eyes and look down while I grind against his face, and the shame I predicted still lingers like a mask. I stare into his eyes and feel something pass between us, and it’s something I can’t say—and probably can’t even put words to—but I feel it acutely. I understand the people who say married sex is spiritual. Our souls are tied, alright, as dark and evil as they are.
His groan brings me out of my trance.
“Uh uh, you’re not supposed to enjoy this,” I admonish. “This is for me, not you.”
“But I love how you taste,” he murmurs against my pussy lips. “And it feels so good when you ride my face.”
“Shut the fuck up and make me cum. And don’t make me tell you again.”
A few minutes later, that's exactly what he does. After, I grab a rag out of the bathroom and clean him up, but I leave it in the bed next to him.
And I sleep on the living room couch.
28
Raya
The next morning, the first thing I do is text Tori.
I need abortion pills
Auntie
You're pregnant???
Can you get them? Yes or no. If not, it’s fine. I’ll figure out another way to get this done.
…
…
Give me a couple of weeks. Don’t do anything until you talk to me again. Okay? Do you promise?
I don't make promises anymore
29
Ace
“You hungry?”
I look up at my wife. Her eyes are puffy and red. Face pale. She looks like she's been crying all night.
“Yeah. I could eat. I’d rather be free, though.”
“Yeah, I was gonna free you before I brought you something.”
“Do it now, Raya. I’m fuckin’ miserable. And I’m sorry. I swear to God, I’m sorry.”
She stares down at me. “Okay, but I need you to promise me something first.”
“What?”
She sighs. “My terms are that you have to do whatever I ask. Because if you don’t, I’ll kill your fucking baby.”
