“You really ain’t shit. You’re evil, Raya. Rotten inside. Everybody in your life leaves you because you’re a terrible fucking person. And now, I’m the only one you got. Even your aunt knows you’re crazy.”
Her eyes narrow.
“Who do you think gave me the fucking placebos?”
That wipes all traces of amusement off her face.
“Yeah. Before the wedding, we met up. She told me all about how fucked up you are in the head and how you lash out like a wild animal even at the people who love you the most. She fuckin’warnedme about yo’ ass, Raya.”
She shakes her head slowly.
“It's true. The one person who loves you as much as me thinks you can’t be saved. How that feel?”
Her eyes dart over to the knife, and my adrenaline rushes again. I know I said too much, but she pushed me to it. On purpose.
“We’re not talking about her,” she finally says, her voice shaky. “We’re talking about you.”
“What about me?”
“I could kill you. Right now. I really could.”
“I know.”
“But…” she trails off, her face going soft. “I’m not. Not today. Maybe not ever, I don’t know. I hate you right now, but I love you.”
I blow out a sigh, my body deflating in defeat. “Yeah. I know the feeling.”
“What do you expect me to do? Am I just supposed to have your baby like nothing’s wrong? How did you expect me to react?”
“I mean…part of me thought you’d be happy once you were actually pregnant. Since it’s us. Since you say you love me so much. Since you said you’d want a kid one day. Which I know now is a fuckin’ lie.”
“I won’t be a good mother, Ace. It’s not something you can force.”
“Well, fuck. I don’t know. I don’t know what you want me to say.”
She drops onto the edge of the bed, her head hanging between her shoulders. “Don’t say anything, I guess.”
I stare at her. She stares at me.
It's a Mexican standoff. No matter what happens now, we're both fucked.
27
Raya
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here staring at my husband. Maybe minutes. Maybe hours. He actually fell asleep for a little while.
It’s just like a man to relax and rest after he’s fucked your life up.
When he finally wakes up, he looks around like he can’t believe he’s still here.
“Untie me, Raya. I need to piss.”
“Too bad.”
He shoots me a look, which makes me smile. I’m not a monster. I’m not gonna let the man’s bladder explode.
I get up and reach down next to the nightstand, pulling out a brand new bucket. Ace looks at it, then me, then back at it, then back at me before sucking his teeth.
