“For what.?
“Advice. From a newlywed.”
Every eye turns on me.
This is embarrassing. I don’t have a single word to give, and everybody here besides Dante knows that.
“I might not be the right one to ask,” I finally say.
My voice came out quieter than I meant it to.
An awkward silence ensues. We all finish our drinks, then the wedding coordinator sticks her head in to tell us it’s time.
Dayton takes a deep breath. “Aight. Let’s go.”
We line up the way we were instructed, and the processional commences. The music swells. We pass rows and rows of people. Family, friends, coworkers—people who showed up for Day.
I scan the crowd as I walk, and for some reason, my own wedding flashes in my mind. The small space. The empty chairs. Back then, I told myself it was worth it.
I still believe that.
I think.
Standing here at the altar with Day, I look out and take in the tableau in its entirety. It’s a room full of love. I wonder if it matters. Plenty of people marry in front of hundreds and end up divorced, so it probably doesn’t.
Or maybe I just hope it doesn’t.
Day tears up when Shara comes down the aisle. We all smile, while Dante slaps him on the back. Seeing your boy emotional like that in a moment like this really does something to your soul.
I wonder if he felt like that for me at mine.
Their vows are simple and honest expressions of love and devotion. The usual. But damn, hearing that shit makes me feel something. Somethingsad. And I wish I knew why.
Shara’s sister Shayenne is her maid of honor. She’s looking good in that light blue dress, I must admit. I fucked her once, and it didn’t end well for me or my tires. It’s been a few years since then, though. I’d like to think we’ve both grown since then.
When she glances at me and sees me smile, she mouths 'fuck you.'
Okay. Loud and clear. She’s not over it.
I turn my attention back to the bride and groom and feel that feeling again. It’s like I feel hollow. Like I’m grieving something.
Am I jealous?
I don't know. What I do know is that I’d rather be home on the couch with Raya. She’s still not feeling well, so I told her to rest and relax.
But I’m here for Day. Even though he wasn’t there for me.
23
Raya
Dr. Bernard looks at me over the top of her glasses. “How are you feeling, Raya?”
“Not great. I was spotting for almost two weeks, and now I just feel off." I stare around the cold exam room, shivering, hugging myself for warmth. "Almost like my period is coming, but there’s nothing.”
“I see. Was it heavy spotting? Light?”
“It was heavy at first. Not like a full period. It got lighter every day until it stopped.”
