I’m still waiting on the beautiful part.
Somebody came to our house while I was gone. There’s a bassinet by our bed now. Bottles on the counter. Tiny socks and onesies and a changing table and blankets everywhere. It’s a whole new world, and there’s a whole new person here. I’m not sure I like it.
I get myself settled on the couch while Ace takes the baby out of the car seat. He’s crying now, yetagain, so I guess that means he’s hungry. I get him latched on, then stare into space while Ace patters around straightening up and…whatever else. I’m not paying attention.
“Here, I’ll burp him.”
I look down at the baby, surprised to see he’s not feeding anymore. He’s knocked out.
I hand him to Ace and grab the remote. I’m trying to findMy Best Friend’s Weddingagain, because I really need to know how Julia fucked that up. She was doing so good with her scheming.
“Can you turn that off?”
Ace is back.
He kneels on the floor in front of me and rests his arms on my thighs. “Do you need anything right now?”
“Nope.”
He blows out a sigh, and I notice his eyes are red and watery. “I know this is my fault.”
“What’s your fault?”
“You’re not…connecting with him. You barely even look at him.”
“Ace—“
“If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have done it like this. That’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
“I know. What’s done is done.”
He pins me with his gaze. “What can I do?”
“I don’t know.” I run a finger across his arm. “I’m trying. I just don’t know how to get there. It’s supposed to come naturally, but it didn’t for me.”
“Right. Because of me.”
“Well, it’s me, too. I think I wanted a girl.”
His brows knit together. “I didn’t know that.”
“I didn’t either until he came out.” My eyes fill with tears. “How do you raise a boy? How do you keep him from becoming…” I trail off, blinking the tears away. “How am I supposed to raise a boy when I hate men?”
In spite of everything, Ace chuckles at that. “I guess we gon’ find out, huh?”
I smile through my tears. “I guess so.”
He raises my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this, but you did. I know you did it for me, and I’m grateful. I damn sure don’t deserve it.”
“You do. Just…not like this.”
He nods. “I got you something.”
He disappears into the back of the house, then returns with three bags from Louis Vuitton.
“Is this what you got in New York?”
“Yep. Open it.”
